Listen. There are some of you right now who are so tired of cliche, pull-up-your boot straps, just smile and be positive kind of answers. I know. I used to hate them, and in fact, I still know that when you are in a spot where you can’t even seem to catch your breath that reading a simplified cheerleading cry can feel like a punch in your gut.
I don’t think anyone means that, honestly, but despite that, it can hurt.
Sometimes those over-simplified answers don’t seem to delve into the depth of divorce or lost kids or medical issues or creditors knocking at your door coupled with just trying to survive day to day to day. And partially I believe that most books, most articles, most answers are written once people are out and they can look back and give an answer, which may be great, but it oftentimes forgets that tightness of breath, the pain of the everyday, the daring risk of hoping that things will be different.
So you might be in one of those places right now.
A place where you push and push to just get through.
A place of counting pennies and giving up on one thing to pay another thing knowing you will get a late charge.
A place of people knocking on your door.
A place of kids that are sick and you don’t have answers.
A place of fear and sadness because someone you love dearly has died.
A place of relationship strife where your forever story became finite.
A place where you battle anxiety.
A place where your kids who once loved you are so angry at you.
A place where you don’t have answers.
A place where you are afraid to admit how you really feel.
A place where you feel alone.
My friend, you are not alone.
I don’t want to simplify the answers and give you fourteen quick suggestions to pull you out of that spot. Because it isn’t quick – no matter what you read. Change is work. Hard work. Determination.
If you are not in this spot and you know of a friend who is struggling, who’s holding up a mask of having it together – I need you to step in – to be their voice, their courage, their constant. Rock the babies, buy the groceries, let them cry, help them out.
When you are in the middle of the storm you don’t need to be told that the storm will be over someday – you need help in the storm. Change is a process of both – of learning how to get out and learning how to continue to hope in the midst of circumstances.
It is okay to feel. It is okay to be upset, to not have the answers, to hate having people pity you, to just want a break. It is okay. That is part of the journey. Don’t doubt you because you feel.
So sweet friend, this isn’t a cliche, quick answer – but rather this is a friend telling you that you will be okay. I know it doesn’t feel that way, I know that sometimes the darkness of night feels too heavy, I know there is too much. I also know that you are strong, even though you are sick and tired of being strong and don’t have another option. I know that. So I tell it to you in a way to not minimize your story but to remind you that you will get through.
Sometimes change isn’t simple. It’s not easy.
It’s not just a mindset change, but a daily over and over action change.
But you can do hard things. You have deep value. So much value that I am meeting you in this spot and extending a hand – and that hand is a hand of friendship, bravery and courage.
You are wonderful, important.
And you will get through.
My book The Brave Art of Motherhood tells my story of how I weathered a storm and got out of it and changed my life. Part memoir, part self-help and all real. Get yours Amazon or Autographed or Bookstores near you.