to the mom who forgot herself

For years I hid.

In fact, I had perfected the art of the hide.

When others would look in to my life they didn’t see – they didn’t see how carefully I hid the hard stuff from the world and from all of them. I wanted everyone to think that I had it together. You know, never frazzled, the homeschooling mom with the awesome meals, the kids who were behaved, perfect marriage and the whole thing.
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But it was a facade. It was an exhausting facade.

Not totally.

My kids are amazing. And there were some really great times. Yes, yes, there were.

But I hid mainly me. And I totally forgot myself.

My  heart.

Because somehow in the motherhood journey I thought that beeing a mom meant totally dying to self. So I lost part of me behind a cacophony of I’m fines and that’s great and a whole lot of busy. The busy helped me hide. If I could organize this or take care of that or be so busy that I didn’t have time to sit still then I would be okay. And really, when the kids are all littles it’s so easy to be inundated with busy because they need you constantly.

But deep down?

Deep down I felt like I was failing – and the facade I worked so hard to make was pressure to keep it up. I knew I had lost myself, but in losing myself I thought it was noble. The thing to do.

No one really knew.

That’s the nature sometimes of this life. We live in a perpetual state of busy and we forget to fight for ourselves. We’ll fight for everyone else out there – our kids and spouses and friends and significant others and causes that we believe in – but somewhere in the journey it’s easy to forget to stand up and fight for us.

Yes, you.

Now, I’m not saying we’re to deny motherhood while we’re in the middle of motherhood. In fact, that would be the opposite of what I’d ever say because I believe that motherhood is this unbelievably rich gift that we give to our families and that we do makes a life difference. But I also think that there are many of us who journey through motherhood, year after year after year and we slowly forget ourselves. Our identity becomes only mom.

Don’t get me wrong – it is a beautiful thing to be a mom.

okaymom3.findingjoy forgotyou3.findingjoy forgotyou2.findingjoy

Those moments are the ones that we all love.

But it’s just as beautiful to be you.

One day, I stood in my bathroom staring at myself in a mirror with water splotches and towels on the ground reflecting back and I realized how easy it would be for the years to tick by one after another after another and to all of a sudden wake one day when the kids were grown and to look in the mirror and have no idea who the person staring back at yourself was.

I know that because that was what happened. If someone would have asked me what I loved to do I probably would have replied with a dozen mom things but probably wouldn’t say the stuff that I loved.

The truth is that none of us have perfect lives, perfect stories and perfect motherhood days. We just don’t. And the more we spend chasing after idealistic perfection the less time we can spend doing things that matter.

You are part of your story.

I want my children to appreciate me as a mom but to also see their mom thrive in these years. I don’t want them to look back and think wow she was a good mom but never really that happy. Happiness as a mom can vanish so quickly under layers of laundry and bedtimes and homework and missed deadlines and lost dreams and unfinished expectations and vacations and busy. I know. I lived that in those hiding years. If people were to have asked me if I was happy I would have told them yes, but inside I would have died just a bit more because I knew I was hiding the part of me I didn’t dare speak.

Somehow I thought I wasn’t as much of a mom if I shared the personal dreams. Somehow I put all the weight and the gold and the money on the mom stuff but forgot the me stuff.

So I’m asking you to be brave and to look at your life and where you are putting yourself on the back burner. Are you hiding like I was? What are your dreams? And yes, beyond laundry that folds itself and a dishwasher that is always empty. Do you have those moments standing in the bathroom looking at yourself wondering what in the world to do next? And the reflection looking back surprising you?

You see, part of my goal and heart is that over the next year we encourage each other in not only our motherhood part of the stories but also in our us parts of our stories. Maybe you like to write. Or garden. Or just want to go out with friends. Holy moly. Then lets work to do that together.

What makes you happy?

Do not forget you in this journey.

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So from today forward I want you to do one thing each day that makes YOU smile. Yes, you. Extra creamer in the coffee or the long route home or the dinner you love or reading that book or working towards the dream that you were afraid to articulate but now you’re going after.

That’s the goal.

I’m not asking you to get on a plane and to go to Costa Rica – although a vacation is always awesome. I’m not saying quit being a great mom. I’m saying that in your day I want you to realize your value and worth and your heart and to do one simple thing for you each day.

Be greedy for you.

You know why? Our kids need that. They need moms who teach them that as adults it’s good to have dreams and goals. And they need to see us happy.

This can bring back happy.

No more hiding. No more I’m fine’s when inside we’re not.

This is a community of women who are strong and believe in each other. Be that person to your friends. Be the one who tells them hooray for the break! or well done. Be the friend who lets go of competition but rather recognizes that heart of the woman sitting next to them. Let’s encourage each other to not forget ourselves but to thrive.

Let’s live, friends.

Yes, yes, yes…let’s live.

~Rachel

ps. If you want to keep up to date with the pulse of what’s happening here on Finding Joy I’d love to have you join the main Facbeook page below.


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57 Responses to “to the mom who forgot herself”

  1. October 11, 2015

    LeeAnna Reply

    Such a great article! I often feel like this and it helps to know that I’m not alone.

    • March 10, 2016

      Jojo Reply

      I guess I am the different one. Let me say first My husband and I didn’t have our daughter until late in life. We both were thrilled to lose ourselves. I love being Juli’s mom. I love the fact that it is the only way some people identify me. There is Juli’s mom!! It’s like music to my ears. I love to serve others and always have, maybe because my grandmother gently reminded me growing up, that we are here to serve others. She believed this me society was detrimental to oneself and our faith.

      • March 11, 2016

        Rachel Marie Martin Reply

        This is so beautiful. What I LOVE about your perspective and voice is the truth about you knowing your heart and what brings you joy. thank you, Jojo.

        Rachel

      • March 13, 2016

        Nikki Reply

        I think that it is easy to live a “selfless” life when you are in a good marriage… When you are being loved as well.
        I lived a selfless life for 12 years… Drove myself into the ground working and going to school to provide and being a mom and on the church board and trying to give my husband his dream as well. When you continuously give but aren’t nurtured in return it becomes more difficult.
        I’ve never felt drained by my children… But my marriage was a different story. I feel less drained as a single mom than I did as a couple… So much so I really have no desire to get married again. Being a single mom is a piece of cake… I have less responsibility now than I did when I was married.

        • April 26, 2016

          Shannon Reply

          This is my thought exactly. After living a year with the fact that he was unfaithful and trying to keep a facade that everything was fine I couldn’t take it anymore. He wore guilt like a suit of armor and was inaccessible. I wore my pain hidden so deep inside of me that all I could do was cry all the time. I left in January and now I feel guilty for wanting my own happiness. We share our children because I want them to have us both and it kills me when they aren’t with me but I also want them to know that when they become adults, their lives areally important and that they can always have hope of a joyful life.

        • April 26, 2016

          Christine Reply

          I couldn’t agree more Nikki. I feel less drained as well since my husband of 15yrs. moved out. My marriage was never easy and I was always focusing on our problems and how to fix “him”! Theres only fixing me and my kids now. I had to choose to not live a life anymore where I held myself captive to all of his bondage that he refused to part with but rather self-medicated instead with gambling and drinking etc. I know the feeling. I’m less drained and can smile more and focus on alk the greatness that comes with motherhood. I was missing it all. ♡♡

      • October 9, 2016

        Rose Reply

        That’s great, Jojo! Being mom is your “me” time, for you. It brings you pleasure and you don’t feel the need to take other time for yourself or your interests? That’s on, too. God bless you!

  2. October 11, 2015

    Jessica Reply

    This really hit home for me, as I have and am forgetting about me and the person I want to be, I do everything and anything for my family but rarely nothing for myself. Thanks for this read.

  3. October 11, 2015

    Renee Reply

    This is SO me. Love the idea of doing one thing every day for ME. Great idea to begin making a change in what has consumed me for 32 years. Making everyone else happy! Now I’m having a hard time learning how to take care of ME. Great post. I would like to add a quote I saw this week which really caught my attention. “You are the only one who can make YOU a priority”

  4. October 11, 2015

    Christina Reply

    thanks for the great read… I often do feel alone in my life as a mom. I feel defeated because I haven’t been able to be “that mom” who gets to stay home and capture all the precious moments with my son. Ever since my son was 6 weeks old i only knew one thing and that was to get back to work and provide for the family. Having 2 hours in the morning and 2 hours at night to spend with my son these past two years was not cutting it. I missed so many mile stones and those sweet moments we all talk about. I am very career driven and love chasing my dreams, but in my case I have lost the meaning of being a mom. As I transition into my new role of “stay at home mama” I will remember this article and will continue to chase my dreams and passions for the sake of my happiness, but also take this time to cherish all the life moments of being a mama!

  5. October 11, 2015

    janine Reply

    Absolutely awesome post! :-)

  6. October 12, 2015

    robin pannazzo Reply

    when o am not keeping busy doing mom things like cleaning or if i put a frozen pizza for dinner i feel guilty. So many sleepless nights for me going over and over what i did not do and what needs to be done, 4 girls 2 little 2 teens are alot to keep up on and there are always things going on. I have found the things i enjoy like journaling and reading and hot long baths are gone just because i am too tired,,,even though many moms have this issue it does not ease a mind…take care

  7. October 12, 2015

    Lynn McLuhan Reply

    Brought me to tears. Struggled with this when my children were younger (now 23 and 17) but have recently adopted a little girl so feeling like this again somewhat.

  8. October 12, 2015

    melissa Reply

    I love being a wife/mom can’t imagine being anything else and I don’t every it nor have I ever felt lost nor do I feel like I’ve given up something. Not the popular thing in today’s society but for me I wouldn’t change a thing

    • October 12, 2015

      Rachel Marie Martin Reply

      It’s beautiful, Melissa, simply beautiful. And I’m so thankful that you shared your joy.

      Blessings,

      Rachel

    • October 26, 2015

      Rebecca Reply

      I’m the same Melissa. I adore being a mom and I’m finding an entirely new me… a me I love even more. The things that used to make me happy still can, but I find a smile from my sweet little is all I need to feel a much deeper, more intense, and more meaningful kind of happy.

    • March 10, 2016

      Linda Reply

      I agree with you Melissa. Being Mother to my children, nieces, nephews
      brings me much joy and happiness. I did not give up anything and would not change anything. My Mother also found her happiness in doing for her family especially cooking the big Sunday meals. I thank the Lord for my Mother hood.

  9. October 20, 2015

    Amy Reply

    …that is me. Forgot who I am..what made me happy..putting aside parts of my life that made me a person as well as a mom. So humble. I love my children..being a mom. But i have to nurture myself…so my children will know and respect me as mom…and as a person..the good the bad and the ugly…I m doing my best now to move forward and refill myself..for the best hope of all of us…

  10. October 21, 2015

    Jaqueline Reply

    Such beautiful writing Rachel. It is so endlessly important to take care of yourself and remember that you are your own individual person beyond your title as “mother”.

  11. October 30, 2015

    Sharon Reply

    I do it too. I am mom of 4 kids. In the thick of child rearing. Love it. Honestly it is the job I begged God for for 10 years! And here I am get lost in it all. I think it is normal for moms to forget themselves because we are busy serving our families. In my life before kids I was pretty insecure and had a low self image. Somehow with kids I have more confidence and back bone. I’d really do fear what will become of me when they are grown and busy with their own lives. Codependant? Probably. Do I have my own interests? Yes. I am an artist. Do I paint? Rarely. For this season I don’t. One day soon. They come first now. Normal. I think it is normal. A mom giving her all to her children. For a season.The days are long; but the years are short.

    • April 28, 2016

      Jean Reply

      I wonder if it has to do with when you become a parent. I was nearly forty, so I feel like I found myself when I became a mother. Life is so much more fun. Turns out, I like to be outside playing most of the time when I’m not working. I can’t believe I wasted all that time in front of the TV being bored. I’m more confident, outgoing, enthusiastic. I read and exercise more (and I have a full time job, and I’m single). I love playing basketball with my son (if you’d asked me ten years ago, I would have said no way was I ever going to play basketball). what gets sacrificed? Laundry gets folded occasionally; my son eats a lot of fruit, veggies, and pretty healthy food, but carefully cooked meals? Not really. In your forties, it’s easy to shrug and say “to everything there is a season…” Someday my house will be tidy, and I’ll cook three course meals. Such is life. But motherhood showed me may better self (as well as the one who could get crazy after dealing with an obnoxious four year old all day!).

  12. November 23, 2015

    Karen Reply

    A great read!! I love being a wife and mom!! I don’t feel like I’ve missed out or have given too much. But taking care of myself is important! When I take care to refresh myself, if even to grab a coffee for 15 minutes, I can have a more gentle spirit in caring for my family. I in the past would run myself ragged doing and giving to everyone!! But I’ve learned it’s not selfish to refresh myself once in awhile. It feels good and tells the kids that mom has feelings and needs too!

  13. January 14, 2016

    Kate Reply

    I’ve forgotten what makes me smile and what makes me happy. Any suggestions on how to find it again?

    • January 14, 2016

      Rachel Marie Martin Reply

      Doing one thing every single day that makes you happy. Even if it’s small.

    • March 4, 2016

      Jonathan Reply

      Hey dont despair. . .you’re kids might seem like aliens or demons but b4 u know it they will b more than u can imagine of joy and contentment in u’re life. . My big 6’6″ little Humphrey teddy bear drives me crazy with shit(poo) everywhere every second day and attention to every aspect of his life including eating
      . Toileting , dressing etc etc but despite all that .
      All i see in him is the gorgeous giggles and the cheeky running away and the teenager rebellion qhen he refuses to acknowledge me talking to him ! – And all i can do is laugh ! ! So keep smiling !

    • March 10, 2016

      Nancy Reply

      I have forgotten too:( how do we,find it??

    • July 23, 2017

      cecilie Reply

      You are not the only one, who feels this way. Wishing you joy…hope to rediscover it too…

  14. February 8, 2016

    Lynnette Reply

    Beautiful. Simply beautiful. I can relate to every single word of this. I spent years feeling like a failure when my kids were not perfect because I had chosen to devote my entire self to motherhood. I didn’t really have anything that I did just for me. When my youngest child went to kindergarten a couple of years ago, I had to find myself again. While that has been a beautiful process, I sure do wish that I would have given myself some room for self-discovery and growth back when my kids were small. I do feel like I have more to offer my family when my tank is full, and I cannot fill my tank when I am completely lost in the service of my family. Taking care of them is important, too, but I am a firm believer that it is vital for my kids to see that I have a life – hopes, dreams, goals, passions – outside of taking care of them. Thank you for your wise words.

  15. February 9, 2016

    Annette Garratt-clarke Reply

    Wow, your story came at the right time, my only child miss 5 starts school next week and I have just realised that I have no idea who I am anymore. Everything has been about her for the last 5 years and now I have some more time I’m so lost about what I want to do. On top of this I have just come off the anti depressants I was on for post natal depression, diagnosed when she was 5 months, so I’m really upset all the time. I think it’s about her going off to school so hopefully it will pass, then I need to find myself again.

  16. March 4, 2016

    PET Reply

    Very interesting article. I was a full time mom. It was a full life that centered happily around my daughter who was and still is the sunshine in my day. I didn’t figure out your point of “losing yourself” until she went off to college. She is now in her mid 20’s and I do find myself at times looking in the mirror wondering who the heck is that looking back? lol
    Being a mom is THE BEST thing I’ve done in my life, but you’re right about incorpating that into who you are as a person not letting become all you are, at some point the kids will be grown and gone.

  17. March 4, 2016

    Catherine Reply

    This was beautiful! Something I’m learning to re-discover. Myself! She’s been waiting for me to find her again!

  18. March 4, 2016

    Shilo Reply

    This is a great article. I often feel like this and thought that I have no idea who I am. I did not know that more feel the same way.

  19. March 4, 2016

    Elizabeth Reply

    Oh, Honey Do it my only is 18 and starting Engineering in the fall. When my marriage ended 10 years ago I consciously made a decision to put her FIRST and to BE THERE. It meant not even considering going back to the career I once had (and now I’d have to re-write the Bar Exam and I think I’d rather eat white hot nails) because I knew it would not afford me the ability to make it to the school events, Guiding events, everything events. She has a great Dad but . . . and a super stepmom — and they add so much to her life. But the reality is I cannot think of a THING either of them ‘gave up’ for her. So, here I am. 53 . remarried (to a really super guy) and trying to reimagine what I want to be when I grow up. On the Bright Side (and the reason I regret nothing) I have a phenomenal young woman who calls me MOM.

  20. March 4, 2016

    Kal Reply

    This is a great read – losing ourselves as parents is so easy and has happened to the best of us. I’m working on this too and it’s not easy but oh how it’s been worth it.

  21. March 4, 2016

    Ange Reply

    Thanks for this article. This has been me for 14 years. I stopped growing and my own joy died. I love my kids and my marriage but my own joy died and I know the kids see that maybe more than that I love them. I thought you had to give up all the me stuff to be a wife and mum. Whereas the kids and husband aren’t happy if you aren’t happy with yourself and your little dreams and joys.
    Praise God for the enlightenment and may we all journey towards joy and peace together.
    Amen, sisters.

  22. March 6, 2016

    Mary Reply

    This.
    Thankyou.
    I really need to start getting back to daily mass.
    I really do.
    Thank you for putting this out.

  23. March 6, 2016

    Patricia Reply

    Thank you.
    Thank you for speaking the words , that I have been holding on in silence for years.
    Thank you for building a bridge for women of all ages to come together and find strength in knowing that we are not alone.
    I am a mom of two older children…
    about to become an empty nester in a couple of years-
    and have absolutely no idea who I am.
    It scares me .
    I am sitting in my perfectly organized home,
    and timely organized life –
    everything just so.
    The mother and friend everyone comes to for support,
    yet I can never seem to ask for help from others…
    heaven forbid I let anyone know that I am not in complete
    control and smiling.
    When inside I am a wreck.
    I started going to a wonderful family counselor to help prepare
    my life without children in our nest.
    The first question asked was “what do you love”?
    I had no reply… I literally have no idea what I love ,
    I have no idea what I want “to be” ,
    I have no idea where to begin.
    My children and my amazing husband have been my entire
    world for over 20 years.
    Now to gain the strength to find myself once again.

    • March 7, 2016

      Rachel Marie Martin Reply

      I am so proud of you. Reading your comment brought tears to my eyes.

      “now to gain the strength to find myself once again….”

      You can do this.

      Rachel

  24. March 10, 2016

    Kelly Reply

    I saved this post to my.”secrrt pinter estate board” titled best blog I’ve ever read. Seriously… This is part of what I’m trying to convey to others myself. I lost myself for 13vyears in the craziness but wonderful world of motherhood. My story is a little different and JUST posted my first blog this week on my Web page http://www.thelifeofkelly.com butsso far my first post just tells my recent story and why I changes. I hope you have a minute to check it out and would love to connect and talk more. I am going to go read the rest of your stuff but this post is so perfect and I appreciate the honesty! Excited to explore your site! Mine is a mess sorry, I know there is a lot to fix on my page but if I didn’t press the publish button the other I felt I never would… The rest can be fixed soon :)

  25. March 10, 2016

    Nicole Reply

    Wow!I hope it’s not too late. I needed to see this today.

  26. March 10, 2016

    Jenny Reply

    Thank you for this article. It speaks exactly to where I am in my life right now. So many moms put their lives on hold for their children and do their families such a disservice. It is so important to put ourselves first from time to time.

  27. March 10, 2016

    Bogna Reply

    My passion to make movies came when I was pregnant with my first one. And during the pregnancy and until she still wasn’t able to crawl I read tons of books, watched all ‘behind the scenes’ videos from my favourite movies and wrote couple of scripts for short films and outlines for features. Then it all got complicated. I have 3 kids now, 5, 3 & 1.5 yrs old, I’m struggling with the mess at home, but still I know that I can’t give up, somehow through those years I got myself ready for my first feature and I have to start filming it this year, or I’ll die inside. I do feel guilty to take time away from my kids and chores, and not all aspects of filmmaking are that great – there’s a lot of paperwork and forcing schedule into the money you have, but when I have a bad day with the kids, that’s the one thing that keeps me sane and happy.

  28. March 10, 2016

    Melanie Reply

    Gawd! Just broke down and cried tears of long pent up pity/regret/anger/joy because that was me and maybe still a tiny bit, but the shell is cracking, never to be fixed again. Thank you for the words many of us can’t express and should live by!

  29. March 10, 2016

    Sirisha Reply

    Hi Rachel ….

    The best thing I did this morning ! Reading your article. Felt like you could just read my mind and watched me do all of it … I am on the same page … And Trying to find what my goal is. Hopefully soon I will find my happiness again.
    Again like u said being mom is wonderful … Love my kids a lot … Just have to find ME.

  30. March 10, 2016

    Liz Reply

    I absolutely love this! It is so true for moms of all ages! I have seen my mom for years bust her butt to have a happy healthy family and a spotless clean house and that still to this day is what she says she enjoys doing! But it makes me wonder?? Did she ever take the time to figure out what she really enjoyed doing for her? I am a mom myself and I’m a young mom so for years I’ve tried to find myself while raising my kids. I had finally decided that for me, my goal was to be the perfect mom(like my mom). Until one day at a waitressing job that I had I told one of my regulars that this was indeed my dream in life that this is what I wanted to do with my life! And he looked back at me and said well what about you? What about when your kids are grown up and out of the house, what then? And I took those questions and resented them for a couple of days until I thought you know what he’s right! I can be an awesome mom and still be the me that has other goals in life! I dwelled on this for a long time and decided that I wanted to go to College and work in the medical field! Now I am a mom, a damn good one with two little boys and a husband and I’m in school full time! I surprised myself that I am actually pretty smart and have made the deans list all while having happy kids, a great marriage and a somewhat steady organized home! So you are so right and I appreciate you sharing and hope that more moms read this, and don’t settle! That they don’t hide or get lost in the hustle and bustle of everyday life!

  31. March 11, 2016

    Tracey Wilbanks Reply

    True words of wisdom.I try to encourage young mom’s to take time for themselves.Often we embrace being invincible. It helps to keep your marriage fresh in those busy years too.My journey back to me began at 47…Don’t wait that long!

  32. March 11, 2016

    Alicia Reply

    This is a great article. I agree that it is so important not to lose yourself because one day those beautiful children will be all grown up and then what. I actually started a blog a few years ago just to hold onto the Chef in me….my husband’s suggestion. Now I’ve added a YouTube channel and although I don’t have millions of subscribers or anything it is a great creative outlet for me. Plus, my kids are proud of me which is awesome. I also feel like I’m leaving them something, like my cookbook but in video form.:)

  33. March 11, 2016

    Alicia Reply

    This is a great article. I agree that it is so important not to lose yourself because one day those beautiful children will be all grown up and then what. I actually started a blog a few years ago just to hold onto the Chef in me….my husband’s suggestion. Now I’ve added a YouTube channel (also BestBitesForever)and although I don’t have millions of subscribers or anything it is a great creative outlet for me. Plus, my kids are proud of me which is awesome. I also feel like I’m leaving them something, like my cookbook but in video form.:)

  34. March 11, 2016

    Dani Reply

    Honesty. Finally. I knew I would find someone who shared feelings similar to mine someday. I hoped. It only took 6 years. Well, she’ll be 7 soon. Thank you, Rachel, you literally rescued me with your words. One big difference is that I am no longer ‘able’ to put on the facade (or face). I am reduced to hiding out for extended periods – sometimes days – until my horrid funk lifts (mine is a bit more clinical, maybe). It is all I can do to forgive myself. I do always thank my lucky stars for an awesome husband that is such a wonderful daddy to our girl.
    Anyhow, I haven’t felt hopeful about meeting like-minded moms until I came across you!
    Best,
    Dani

    • March 15, 2016

      Rachel Marie Martin Reply

      Wow. Thank you so much Dani. Your comment left me in tears.

      Blessings and hugs.

      Rachel

  35. May 19, 2016

    In real Life... Reply

    This is one of the many problems I see in “todays” moms. The “me” factor. The age of entitlement has begun and will be taught. When you decided to have children, you did put you on the back burner for a little. Not completely, not totally and not forever. You can take some “me” time. But to the point of complete reflection like this, where is the balance and the common sense. And also when you make your kids the center of attention 24/7 they also think the world then owes them or revolves around them. Imagine how their significant other will have to live up to those expectations? Where is the balance. It is ok to say no to your child when you need a break and not involve them in every single activity, play date or sporting event to the point you do not know who you are! And IF you need someone to point this out, get some girlfriends! Good wine drinking girlfriends who will sit you down and be honest with you. To tell you that your overachieving do-it-all, have-it-all attitude is great but fooling no one. These are real women, with careers, children, husbands, lives and are successful and BlISSFULLY happy. Granted sometimes tipsy. We laugh, we cry, we celebrate…but we know who we are, what we like (it changes though from week to week-or day to day depending on the hormones or the drinks)and we have fun figuring it out.

  36. May 30, 2016

    Melissa Smith Reply

    the fantastic article!!!! Thank you!!! So important our children see us happy. I never saw my mom happy. Subconsciously I assumed I wasn’t to be either. Thank you for this

  37. September 25, 2016

    Donna Reply

    Thanks for the article. I tried to do it all and did none of it well. Now my kids are out of the house and my business has basically failed. I have a great husband and a sweet puppy but I am but a shell. I have no idea what makes me happy. I am completely lost but I see from the comments I am not alone.

  38. March 10, 2017

    Swapna Reply

    This is an amazing post! I’m a new mom to a lovely 8 month old and I already feel kinda lost when I look back on my identity. Like you rightly said, when I think about what I want these days, it’s just an endless list of clean laundry/clean kitchen counters/healthy meals/yada yada yada! I love you for taking the time out to write such a sensible and meaningful article that rings true to many a mom’s soul! I especially love this line: “The truth is that none of us have perfect lives, perfect stories and perfect motherhood days. We just don’t. And the more we spend chasing after idealistic perfection the less time we can spend doing things that matter.” Thanks a ton Rachel for putting this into perspective!

  39. October 12, 2017

    Shaunna Reply

    Read a book? Long way home? That’s not enough to find ourselves or do what we love! I challenge you to go to a wine bar with friends or a girls weekend no kids! Take those guitar lessons you’ve always wanted and go to the gym or that yoga class! Go to a girly movie and go on a hike! Do really stuff that nurtures your soul ❤️

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