sitting in the waves

It’s so humid here that the screen of my netbook is fogging up while I’m trying to write.

I’ve never experienced a vacation that has challenged me more than this trip to South Carolina. On the first night, as I sat in the water and felt the power of the waves as the washed over me I sat there in awe of the Lord. I realized how many things in my life that I cling to — I want control of — and that I don’t want to let go of – that really needed to be left at His feet.

As the waves cycled I could feel my heart, and all those places of anger and fear and worry and stress, begin to let go. It was impossible to not be and not begin to feel free.

Then Samuel got sick.

My worst fear, really. Before we left I prayed and prayed and prayed for my children. I remember remarking  that I couldn’t handle it if Samuel got sick. And then he did. And I grew. I grew in my trust of my husband, and in allowing someone else, someone who I love deeply, take care of him. If I had been home I would have totally taken charge and done the doctor and been up at night. But I wasn’t. Todd was there. And there were benefits to me letting go. Samuel knows daddy will be there for him. Todd feels more confident in tending to Samuel and his complex medical needs. I don’t have to cling so tightly due to fear. I’m grateful for dear friends (that amazing Maria again) who drop everything to help Todd. For doctors who call me in South Carolina to tell me about Samuel and ask questions. Blessed.

And I learned to have trust. And faith.

It’s strange to me how these days at the ocean have opened my eyes to the real important. My family. Relationships. Not stuff. Not things. Not schedules. Trust. So as I sit here on the balcony with my fogged up computer screen and the beating sun and the sound of the ocean in the background and the waves pressing inward I am grateful. Very grateful.