I’m sitting in my living room. A room that I’d love to tell you was company ready — with pillows propped up and toys put away. But, no, instead it’s a room with brown throw pillows on the floor and a bag of blocks partially dumped out and a math book left on the couch. There’s a stack of homeschool books and a cowboy hat on top of them. My hall closet door is open and I see piles of shoes — summer shoes — waiting to be put away.
I’m okay with it.
For too long I’ve stressed about needing to have things perfect – you know, the magazine type of perfect with the super-cute color coded bins, and spotless couch and grinning kids. I’d want things so neat and tight and orderly that it became suffocating. I’d see one of the little ones grab a game and I’d immediately tell them, do not dump it out because I just cleaned. Then I’d look back and I’d see their face. Sad. Not understanding. After all, I had just told them to find something to do yet I wanted them to be busy without actually being able to do anything.
Children need to play.
They make messes.
That concept is hard for my I like everything neat and organized and labeled type brain. After all, I have bins for markers, and crayons, and colored pencils, and pastels, and watercolors, and well, you get it – I like everything to have it’s place.
I use that need for perfection as a way to cope with life.
Yes, you read that right. I can use cleaning and organizing as a way to escape from doing the hard stuff. Instead of getting on my knees in prayer I’d be down in the laundry room sorting through those marker boxes looking for the lone colored pencils. Or I’d be up in the boys’ room going through boxes carefully removing the legos and lincoln logs from the box of army men. I’d keep myself busy – I’m cleaning – was my reason to those around. And I’d think I was doing the noble thing so my response was typically I’ll get to you in a minute.
The minutes never came.
I could easily spend the entire day with projects and cleaning and organizing. Then when the house wasn’t the ideal way I’d find myself exasperated and overwhelmed and using the excuse, I just can’t relax when it’s messy reason. And yes, it’s true, it IS harder for me to rest if it’s not clean. But that is a choice. I’ve had to learn that at this stage in my life striving to have my home perfect actually takes away from me as a mother and robs me of joy.
So tonight, as I type this, I am sitting relaxed in my living room. It’s a living room that is not perfect – I really need a new couch and a new area rug and there are some toys around, but you know, it’s okay. This is the space that I’ve been blessed with now. And so what that there’s a pillow and blocks on the floor. I’ll just pick it up when I’m done, and I’ll move that math book to the table {because we’ll use it in the morning} and I’ll put the cowboy hat in the toy box. I have to let it go.
My family matters more.
They need me with a heart that loves them no matter what — a heart that can be engaged with them that is not dependent upon the state of this home. Do I love it clean? Absolutely yes. Is it okay to work to keep it clean? Again absolutely yes. But, I will not, cannot, and refuse to allow an ideal take away from me as their mom.
Before I know it they will be grown and my home empty.
Then I will long for these days of imperfection.
And I will remember them as perfect.
25 comments
Beautiful and so true! Your children will be with you for only a short while and they are so much more important than a blog, our decor or any other thing that can steal our time! Enjoy them, play with them…make memories!
Blessings,
Cindy
I run this race. All. The. Time. Beautiful post Rachel. Needed this reminder. Thank you! 🙂
I am always so moved by your insight into family life and your ability to put these nuances into words so beautifully. Thank you for your beautiful blog and for making me, as a mom, think about the important issues in life.
Yes and amen! Just last night Kelly asked me why we even pick up all the toy mess if they’re just going to make the same mess bright and early the next day. Ha!
Lately I don’t care if my house is dirty or messy. But it’s because I’m lazy. I wish it was cause I am praying instead.
Thanks for the reminder.
I too struggle with Miss Perfectionism. She lurks around every corner of my heart. It keeps me from having company…relaxing and enjoying my family…and honestly, even blogging. I criticize my own content to the point of just not posting. I hate it. And you are right…it can be suffocating. I have come a long way though. And I am thankful for the progress…but a struggle it is still. I like to think of it like Paul…it keeps me dependent on my great need for Him in my every moment. Thanks so much for sharing. I am now following.
You wrote a post just for me. Thank you.
I can relate to this so, so much. I struggle with desiring to have a clean, neat, organized home that is ready to welcome company at a moment’s notice, but not being able to create that perfection that I desire. I have neglected and resented my children because of this far too often and I truly regret that. I am learning to enjoy them and forget the mess…yes, I’ll get to it later, but they are way more important that my ideal of a clean home.
Last week I visited a family who wanted more information about my church. During that visit I shared the gospel with them and all four of the family members prayed to receive Christ as their savior. It was overwhelming and humbling to be a part of that. As we were leaving the father told me that he almost didn’t answer the door because their house wasn’t clean. I am just thinking of the opportunity that would have been missed because they didn’t feel that their home was clean enough. I don’t want to miss opportunities that God brings my way because I am holding onto an ideal of perfection that is impossible to obtain.
Wow…sorry for such a long comment…this has really been on my heart lately.
Rachel,
I came across your blog via Mary at Homegrown Learners. I haven’t read much, but your blog sounds great. I look forward to reading more of your posts as days go by.
BTW – my name is Rachel Maree. Thought that was cool.
I get that way sometimes and it bugs me. Because it takes away my time spent with them. So like you my home is clean yet messy if that makes sense. Because right now id rather be playing with those blocks 🙂
Love this post! You described me to a T. Instead of going to my knees in prayer, I scrub the sinks and clean the toilets and put things away… I know it’s a crazy complusion to want everything perfect and clean and put away. And that my time is better spent with my son. My one and only son, for he will be an only child after years of trying for a second and going through a failed IVF cycle. I should spend my time with him. Or with Him. Not cleaning like a mad woman, or putting every little toy in its place. Thank you for the reminder…thank you. 🙂
I tell myself that one day my house will be clean but empty of children. I need to enjoy the messes now. it won’t always be this way…
In watching my granddaughter this past week end, while her mother had her baby brother. I found myself picking up her toys and putting them away. And seeing her eyes when she was able to go back and get things out again to play with them. It seemed to be so much more fun to make a mess again, because Grandma had just picked things up. A little bit like stacking up blocks and watching someone kick or knock them over when they are small. It always brings smiles to their faces. Enjoy your children while they young, they don’t stay young long.
God spoke to me through you, Rachel. Thank you for being so open and willing so I could read from you what He’s been saying to me all along.
Wow! Did this strike home with me! I’ve been on a similar journey and you spoke right to me. I recently heard the term “recovering perfectionist” and I immediately fell in love with it. Recovering…slowly, and learning to embrace His best gifts, instead! Thanks!
I so enjoyed your thoughts. Sometimes it’s hard to stop working and do the things that really matter.
Beautiful thoughts, beautifully written.
I have an award for you at my blog…
http://homeschooljournal-bergblog.blogspot.com/2011/11/versatile-blogger-award-from-our-side.html
This is such a great and true post! Thank you for always making me see things a little differenly!
Hi. I’m also a mom of seven and struggle with “I’ll be there in a minute” situations. I don’t know how many times I’ve brushed someone aside to “do” the next task in front of me, ignoring the most important task needing me. You’re honesty and vulnerability really spoke to my heart and I’m very encouraged to do less fretting and more “relaxing” with the chaos. I do love it clean and tidy, but realizing how quickly the years are going by I’m so thankful for the reminder that this time is precious with my children. I’m sure I’ll not remember ALL of the mess, but I will remember the hugs, noise, and love. So, as of right now, perfection is no longer the goal for my home. Living life abundantly and engagingly…that’s what I want! Praying for you and for me as well.
Much love in Him,
Jen
Lifting up prayers right now!
Psalms 118:4-6 Let them now that fear the LORD say, that his mercy endureth for ever. I called upon the LORD in distress: the LORD answered me, and set me in a large place. The LORD is on my side; I will not fear: what can man do unto me?
Prayer Bears
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Ouch. Especially the part about saying NO! to dumping out a game after *just* cleaning the floor.
And seeing a sad face that just doesn’t understand.
This spoke to me today. Thank you, Friend.
-Lauren
This very much speaks to my heart Rachel…thanks for sharing it.
*hugs* I could have written this…. I’m staring at the mess now. Your ‘go play but then again don’t make a mess’ remark comes out of my mouth way too often. Right before I say “I didn’t clean that room for nothing!”
You’re so right, they do grow up too fast, and my house can look all pulled together and ‘company-ready’ then.
I just found your blog from The homeschool classroom blog. I am so glad I read this as this is the very thing I have been struggling with lately. I am in my first year of homeschooling and this year is proving to be a hectic very busy year, not only just homeschooling but having company over and doing church stuff. And I feel worn out trying to make sure everything is done including trying to keep a spotless house. And I feel guilt as I feel I don’t spend enough time with my kids just being with them. I am harried and crazy trying to keep them to keep the house clean. I needed to read this and just breathe and really realize its ok if my house is not spotless, my family matters more than a clean house! And I will never think when they are grown, oh if I had just cleaned my house more. So thank you for your words of wisdom!
I use to feel guilty because my mom always kept a house more organized and cleaner than I…Until one day a speaker asked, “what do you want to be remembered for?” It was not a clean house. So after that, dust is more common in my home, and I don’t feel guilty about it.
{tears flowing} you bless me. more than you will ever know.