preparing….

I’ve scheduled my shoulder surgery.

I’d be lying if I told you I wasn’t nervous. I’ve known it was coming, and I’ve had the surgery on the schedule for a bit {it will be on November 21} but haven’t really talked about it. I think I was trying not to look at it in a way. I keep waffling, going back and forth, wondering if it really needs to do it. Then I remember. I remember the two and a half months I did physical therapy. I remember July when all I wanted was for it to be fixed. I remember how just this morning it was hard for me to lift Samuel. And even, now, as I sit in my family room typing away, my shoulder aches.

It needs to be done.

So I’m preparing my family. I’m not too afraid of the surgery {except I’m a bit nervous about losing some range of motion} and I know that I will fight very hard in the months after to regain strength. Oh, alright, I’m pretty nervous {if I didn’t write that, my mother would be calling me} about the whole thing. I just have to keep praying and praying. And letting go of the fact that it is scheduled, to me, in the worst possible time.

It’s just not convenient.

It’s the week of Thanksgiving, and then the whole month of December where I’ll wear that lovely shoulder sling. That just doesn’t seem too festive. But, I’m working on letting that go — that’s not the reason for Christmas, you know. And now, I’m planning and preparing. Thinking about getting the Christmas lights out the week before and working to string them up. Planning out the homeschool, photocopying pages, and writing lists. Freezing some gluten free meals. Doing my physical therapy so that I can prepare myself and be as strong as possible.

And praying. And asking my friends to pray.

And learning to let my ideal agenda go. Again.

And again. And again.

And again.