I think I read that phrase at least a dozen times a day.
I love being a mom, but there are times where I am just going crazy.
I love being a mom, but I just want a moment to myself.
I love being a mom, but I really don’t know what to do next.
I love being a mom, but I miss me.
I love being a mom, but I don’t remember how to be happy.
I love being a mom, but I had all these dreams.
I love being a mom, but no one told me how hard this would be.
I love being a mom, but I just want a break.
I love being a mom, but.
So often when I read those words I can feel the heart behind it.
I can see the tears, feel the fatigue and hear the risk in articulating that there just might be some parts of this motherhood journey that are simply not easy. It doesn’t look like the parenting that we all had in our heads and the 1-2-3 step program to perfect kids that was thrown away the first day. Okay maybe day two after we realized that getting them to sleep wasn’t as easy as a lullaby, pat on the back and tiptoeing out.
It’s not easy to admit that we’re struggling. It’s not easy to admit that we might need that oh-so-needed break. It’s just plain and simple a little bit humbling. There should be a chapter in those parenting books called Humbled Mom Moments Happen Often.
So we’ve learned to protect ourselves and to make sure that we’re a good mom we tend to qualify our words about our now stories with I love being a mom, but. Because, heaven forbid, there is something that we do not like in this moment about motherhood. That wouldn’t be matching the boxes of perfectionism that today’s world superimposes upon all of us.
But the truth is this – aren’t we allowed a moment for ourselves and for our dreams and to say that we need a break and that we’re missing happy? Wanting those things doesn’t take away the fact that we love being a mom. And yet, yet, yet – we, including me, qualify all of those struggles with words making sure that it is known that we love being a mom.
What if, and what if sometimes where we don’t like being a mom? In fact, I’ve written about that – What if sometimes you don’t like motherhood? – and before I hit publish I was terrified that I wouldn’t be seen as a good enough mom.
Because the truth is that there are mom moments where I’m like I’m out – this is way too much.
But, even in those times, you guessed it, I deep deep down love being a mom.
You are not a bad mom nor a mom who doesn’t love being a mom when you wish for a break. Or to sleep in more. Or when you take time for yourself. I know that we’re told all the time to cherish the moments with our kids. I know that sometimes we feel the guilt for not embracing the moment. I know it.
It doesn’t make us not love our kids when there are parts of life and motherhood that are hard.
It just really doesn’t.
I know that some of you are pushed to your breaking point. I know that there are some of you with a pile of littles under five and feel like you are underwater. I know that there are some of you with lives that seem to be crumbling in front of you. I know that there are some of you who just want a break. I know that there are some of you who have more laundry and chores than you can manage. I know it.
And I know that even in all the craziness and when you have a moment to chill and sit back that you love being the mom for your kids.
So, my friend, here’s why I want you to breathe.
When you have those thoughts – even those times when you want a break and motherhood is driving you nuts – I want you to remember that it doesn’t make you a bad mom for feeling them or articulating them.
You are just being real.
In a world of Instagram filters and Pinterest Projects and Facebook updates and more more more more to do. We’re told to have it together all the time. And then when we just need someone to hear us – someone to say you are not alone in this – we often qualify our real parts with I love being a mom, but.
Sweet mom. You are wonderful. You are wonderful even on the days when you feel broken. You are wonderful on the days when you feel like you are on top of the world. You are wonderful on the moments when you don’t know what to do next. You are wonderful, because you are you.
I love being a mom.
I have moments where I need a break. I have moments where my kids make me crazy. I have moments where I want happy. I have moments where I didn’t realize it would be this hard. I have moments where I am exhausted. I have moments where I am feeling awesome. I have moment when I hit the snooze a dozen times. I have moments of homemade dinners. I have moments of packaged meals. I have moments where I am late. I have moments where we are way early. I have moments of joy. I have moments of overwhelm.
I am real.
I love being a mom, and I am real.
ps. A beautiful reader left perhaps the most beautiful comment on the Finding Joy Facebook page about this post, Katie said I love being a mom, it’s exhausting, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Tears. And amen. And yes.
Beautifully expressed inside and out.
Truth be told, sometimes us Dads feel this way, too!
At times it can be exhausting, frustrating, or stressful.
But I wouldn’t trade it for ANYTHING.
I could think of so many “I love being a mom, but” things for myself. I don’t think we should ever feel the need to have explain wanting something for ourselves or grieving something we missed out of.
I am a mother of three beautiful children. A four and a half year old, and twins that are four months old. I am a stay at home mom during the day and I work night shift. I usually get about three hours of sleep a day. I am exhausted, I want to SLEEP! This schedule is killing me. I am not eating, my hair is falling out, I am loosing weight and on top of all that I am breast feeding two infants. Exhausted! I want me time, mostly to just sleep. I miss my husband and my four year old. When they get home, I eat and its off to bed, then I wake up three hours later and its off to work. Honestly, I don’t know how I am doing it. When I look into my twins eyes and they are smiling at me I forget about being exhausted, hungry, chores, my hair falling out, and lack of self care. My four year old tells me he loves me and wants to rub my back, it makes everything alright. I love being a mom but….I love being a mom. Thank you Rachel for your words.
I love this post. I read a quote one day that said that we shouldn’t compare our lives to others highlights- you reminded me of this when you mentioned that theres always MORE to do online. There are a million posts about being a cheery mom, but not enough about how we are just tired lol. I know I’ve been guilty of comparing myself to others happy posts, like I am horrible for being exhausted. But thank you for reminding me that se are still good moms! And its ok to be tired!
After an awful day today this is amazing to read….
After a day of spending time at a doctors office for my autistic son and getting no where, I came home and put him down for a nap and just cried….
Cried because I was frustrated, cried because he doesn’t speak and just turned 4, cried because I was just plain exausted, and cried because no matter what I love my little boy. He is one of the 3 lights in my life and I wouldn’t change a thing…. yes it is hard….really f&$*ING hard…
So yes, I love being a mom, but…..
Today was a really frigging hard day and I cried in the bathroom by myself…
Because I refuse to let my other 2 daughters see me broken…
You’re right about online “highlight reels”. I see them daily and I hate to even admit it, but I am guilty of it myself. Not because I want everyone to think my life is perfect, but because when the thought crosses my mind to post something “real” and maybe not so “perfect”, I think, “Oh, maybe I shouldn’t post this, I don’t want to seem like I’m whining or complaining.” I see some people posting negative things so often, that I almost get annoyed and I don’t want to be like that or seem ungrateful for the many things I do have that make me happy. I stay home with my 2 and 4 year old boys and I love them more than anything else I could imagine. I would die for them, assume their unhappiness or illnesses if it would mean they would always be happy and well, but sometimes this is hard. Sometimes, I lose my cool with them and then feel overwhelming guilt. Sometimes I want to walk outside and scream just to let my frustrations out. Not always. Not even often. But sometimes.
Today. Today is hard. Today I am struggling, but I love being a mom.
Yes yes….thinking of you. 🙂
I know you feel this way because I have been there, done that. But, I have found something that is worse. That is the time when it is all over. When they are grown and on their own. When you are home alone and no longer needed. I have all the time I could ever want now. I have time, money and a clean house and I am miserable. I miss all those times. Being alone is worse than anything.