I’m worn. Really worn. And I miss normal. I cannot begin to tell you how much I miss days of teaching and coffee and “what’s for dinner” and racing to ballet. And I cannot believe I let myself get stressed out over those days. I wish I could go back and tell that Rachel to relax and enjoy the gift of normal….
Samuel has been running a fever for the last two days. In fact, at one point today, it hit 104.7. Since his immune system is compromised I wasn’t supposed to let him go for two days with a fever. So off to Urgent Care. They wouldn’t see me. His fever was too high and they sent me to the ER that was attached. So I walked back to the ER and waited to be seen. They gave him a double dose of meds and it took about 2hours for the fever to drop. They did a chest x-ray and saw some fuzziness — not enough for meds — but possibly an infection. I was told to watch him very carefully and to go to the Childrens Emergency Room if anything at all changes. His case was too complicated.
He’s 16months old and has a complicated history.
So now I wait. And wonder. He was super unsteady after coming home from the ER — he kept falling and his little legs would give out. I’m hoping it was simply due to the meds — his body didn’t feel like he had a fever, yet his body didn’t have the real energy to “do life.” He’s also lost close to a pound since last week Friday. Yet, he’s eating. Lots. His body is just not processing food.
So I feel like I want to whine tonight.
I just want him well.
It’s not whining. It’s more the heart of a momma that hurts right now.
I just want normal.
Just for a bit.
But more than normal, I just want my Samuel well.
That’s my prayer.