I’m going to Relevant11.
This all came together so fast — it was through the generosity of others and the prayers of many. But, I’m going. And honestly, truth is — I’m a bit scared. Last night I went to bed {after this all got put together} and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. I’m not even sure where the tears originated, but they kept on coming.
This is out of my comfort zone. I know I’ve written about it before, but I keep hearing the words keep up your courage from the book The Courage of Sarah Noble run through my head. If she can do it, that ten year old girl, then certainly I can push myself and be bold.
Truth is — I know I’m to go. I know that the Lord needs to stretch some things in me, and that there are some things that I need to let go of. I’ve been holding onto these hurts and sadness for so long — celiac disease, financial issues, health — and all they’ve done is fester. I knew it last night when I went to bed. It was fear, but it was also acknowledgement of the need to surrender to God. To not cling so tightly to my earthly agenda and to begin to once again live in stronger faith and trust. To step out of the boat, not look back, and live courageously.
I keep telling myself that — as I think about switching planes {twice} to get there. Or arriving late {it was the only flight that I could afford and the only times that would work for our family.} Or walking into that room feeling vulnerable. It’s of letting go of my selfish part — the part of me that would love to get some new nice things to wear, or have extra cash to spend, or come all polished and put-together. But, I can’t. And I know I’m to just come. As I am. Just me.
So today, I have a very grateful and thankful heart mixed with a very nervous and overwhelmed and blessed and excited and hopeful heart.
Keep up your courage.