I’m worn. Really worn. And I miss normal. I cannot begin to tell you how much I miss days of teaching and coffee and “what’s for dinner” and racing to ballet. And I cannot believe I let myself get stressed out over those days. I wish I could go back and tell that Rachel to relax and enjoy the gift of normal….
Samuel has been running a fever for the last two days. In fact, at one point today, it hit 104.7. Since his immune system is compromised I wasn’t supposed to let him go for two days with a fever. So off to Urgent Care. They wouldn’t see me. His fever was too high and they sent me to the ER that was attached. So I walked back to the ER and waited to be seen. They gave him a double dose of meds and it took about 2hours for the fever to drop. They did a chest x-ray and saw some fuzziness — not enough for meds — but possibly an infection. I was told to watch him very carefully and to go to the Childrens Emergency Room if anything at all changes. His case was too complicated.
He’s 16months old and has a complicated history.
Sigh.
So now I wait. And wonder. He was super unsteady after coming home from the ER — he kept falling and his little legs would give out. I’m hoping it was simply due to the meds — his body didn’t feel like he had a fever, yet his body didn’t have the real energy to “do life.” He’s also lost close to a pound since last week Friday. Yet, he’s eating. Lots. His body is just not processing food.
So I feel like I want to whine tonight.
I just want him well.
It’s not whining. It’s more the heart of a momma that hurts right now.
I just want normal.
Just for a bit.
But more than normal, I just want my Samuel well.
That’s my prayer.
39 comments
praying for normal for you, rachel. xoxo
Oh, Rachel! Your sweet, sweet babe…you are in my prayers every night.
Nicki
Lifting you up in my prayers. Hang in there.
I’m praying for you, Rachel. My brother also had severe health problems when he was Samuel’s age, up till he was about 7, and while I don’t remember those years well, I have heard stories of my parents’ anxieties, having such a sick child. God is Healer. I am praying that you will remember that, that God will heal Samuel, that He will give you and your family strength and courage to persevere during this time.
Keep fighting in these trenches, friend. Romans 12:12: “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Hebrews 10:23: “Let us hold unswervingly to the faith we profess, for he who promised is faithful.”
I’m so sorry your little guy is dealing with these problems. It just breaks a Mama’s heart to see them suffer so needlessly. ;( I’m sorry, it stinks. It ruins routines, and it hurts. There’s no denying any of that…
Praying that our Great Healer touches his body, in Jesus name. Hang in there, Mama…
Oh sweety–you will find normal soon, albeit a slightly new normal at the very least.
You guys WILL get through this in time…as for the pain you feel while you wait–just keep giving all of it to the Lord–every single moment that you feel sadness, anxiety, and pain.
For whatever reason, He has allowed this circumstance, but the Bible promises that He WILL use this for your good, and for Samuel’s good, the rest of your family’s good, according to what His will is for all of your lives.
Let your heart rest there knowing that as you rest in the palm of His hand, He will see you through.
“Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.” 1 Peter 5:7
(((Hugs)))
Carla
Oh, Rachel, I continue to lift you and Samuel up in prayer! Persevere, sweet Rachel, knowing that perseverance brings about proven character, and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. (Romans 5:3-5)
Praying for a supernatural strength and endurance for you in this battle, and for God’s healing hand on Samuel!
Praying for you and Samuel tonight. Hang in there:)
My heart hurts for you…as a mother of a 16 month old, I cannot imagine going through this with my little one. You have so much strength right now. I can’t give much in way of advice…but I do know it helps to focus on the now…not let your mind wander to the what if’s or the future. He needs you to be positive and his strength…he needs you to draw strength from God. If that looks like falling at God’s feet weeping so you can stand and hold onto your precious little boy…it’s alright.
I hope this was okay. I am praying for you tonight. Praying hard. For you and your little one.
Much, much love from SD
Marybeth
Praying that the Lord strengthens you, Hannah, the rest of your family, and heals dear little Samuel. Keeping you in fervent prayer!
Oh Rachel, my heart hurts for you. I am standing in the gap, interceding and asking God to come with healing. I wish I lived closer, so I could be more help to you. Praying God will strengthen Samuel and you. Love you my friend.
I go to so many CB pages and pray for so many kids going through so much…but for whatever reason, your little man touches my heart in ways that none of the other kids do. Maybe it’s because he reminds me so much of Aaron (sent a pic of Aaron to you in a message on FB)…maybe it’s because of those big, beautiful eyes or that amazing smile. Maybe it’s the spaghetti face…whatever it is, my heart is aching so much right now. And I’m in tears…again…praying so very hard for your whole family because everyone’s hurting.
Still praying in Seattle!
Psalms 31:1-3 In thee, O LORD, do I put my trust; let me never be ashamed: deliver me in thy righteousness. Bow down thine ear to me; deliver me speedily: be thou my strong rock, for an house of defence to save me. For thou art my rock and my fortress; therefore for thy name’s sake lead me, and guide me.
Prayer Bears
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I am so sorry! Are you still able to nurse him at all or is he weaned?
I am so sorry, Rachel! I’ll be praying that God will give, Samuel, you, and the rest of your wonderful family strength during this time!!
<3
oh…blessings to you and your little guy! May Jesus touch you both and heal him.
Oh, I am so sorry, Rachel! I’ll be praying for you and your family.
Oh Rachel…my heart is breaking as I read this post. I remember seeing my daughter so sick in the NICU and wanting so much to trade places with her and just to have her in my arms and well again. It is SO hard to see our babies sick. I’m praying for your Samuel to be healthy and well again.
Nothing like a mama’s hurting heart for her baby.
You are allowed to whine. You are allowed to complain. You are allowed to be upset. It’s okay, you don’t have to be strong all the time.
This is a hard time for you and you will get through it. But you can have moments of weakness and emotion. And it’s important to let that emotion out. And what better place to write about it than your blog.
So we’re here to “listen” 🙂
There’s not a Mother that cannot imagine what your heart is feeling. We may not walked in your exact shoes, but we all know what a Mother’s heart is like. It’s so tender towards her children.
I’m praying that little Samuel will very soon be his perky little self again and praying the Lord will give you the strength you need as you need it. Hugs to you!
Thanks for reminding us to appreciate (and even treasure!) normal!
I am so sorry to hear that Samuel is not well again.
Poor baby and mama too. I will be praying for a healing for him and for normal to come back to your household.
PS-I wouldn’t say you are whining- you are just hurting for you little guy, a little worried, tired and just being a great mom with a mom’s heart that doesn’t want to see her babies hurting or sick.
Praying for strength for you both.
Is this why they think he had that fever off and on for like 6 months when you posted awhile back about that?
I am glad at least you know why this may all be happening if the celiac is what has caused all of this so that you can get him well.
Just keeping you in our prayers.
I ask Jesus to touch this family. Heal Samuel and give Momma strength and wisdom….Jesus they need you, be as great as you are and touch….
Praying for you and Samuel!!
<><
I wish I could come right over, give you a cup of tea and a blanket and have you rest. Rest your mind, heart and body. I’m praying for you, for Samuel. Praying for comfort, trust in Him and peace. (((Hugs))) I’m also telling everyone to read Isaiah 40 for encouragement.
dear rachel,
poor, poor baby. it breaks my heart for
him to have to go through this. it also
makes me so worried for you, as you
must feel so separated from your other
lovely children.
all the tugging on your heart is truly the
test of a lifetime. please remind your-
self that your trust is in the Lord and
He holds you in the palm of His hand.
He will gently lead you through these
treacherous waters and have a mighty
samuel to testify to His greatness and
his mother’s deep love.
psalm 131
“my heart is not proud, o Lord; my eyes
are not haughty.
i do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.
but i have stilled and quieted my soul;
like a weaned child with its mother,
like a weaned child is my soul within me.
o israel, put your hope in the Lord.”
love,
lea
oh goodness, this mama’s heart breaks for you. i’m so sorry. poor precious sam. God, show your power and bring healing to his tiny, weary frame.
I feel so at a loss for words as I read your posts. Telling you I am praying for you seems so small…and yet…I know Who I am praying, too. And I know He loves you and Samuel PASSIONATELY. And I know He is moving on your behalf in countless ways. And I know He is so powerful, so mighty, so able.
So, again, I simply say I am praying for you…for Sam’s healing and for peace and hope and comfort to hold you up when you feel like you cannot make it another minute.
Blessings,
K
Praying for Samuel. I so know how you feel. When we’ve had major trauma or drama in our lives and things get way off schedule, I just dream about making PBJ sandwiches and doing laundry…..literally I dream about it. Hugs to you and precious Samuel!
Becca
Wishing and praying for your continued patience through the healing. Praying that you find more peace and strength during your and sam’s road to “normal”. May God bless you and your entire family.
I remember a few years back feeling that longing for normal while dealing with sickness and diognising autism with our son. I can’t say I fully understand what you’re going through, but I understand the feeling of longing for normal. I pray that you and Samuel are given HIS strength, and that you get more glimses of normal every single day.Prayer covering you and your sweet family this week.
Jeana
Just sent a prayer up for you, your son and your family.
Stefanie
This mother is praying with you…standing holding up your arms…as Aaron did for Moses during the time of battle. Lord I pray for complete healing, strength for his precious Mom, hold her close to you Lord. I pray for the whole family, my they see you and be at peace…the peace that passes all understanding. Give wisdom to the doctors, because all knowledge comes from you.
Thank you Lord for You are our healer and Praises for the work you are doing on Samuels behalf, In Jesus Name I pray
praying for you and your sweet one
Praying for you, for Normal. THank youf for this post, i can not imagine how much energy it took to write….What a wake up call for me?!? Praying. mamaof2
I know a family who is asking their friends to fast for their little girl tomorrow who is really sick and I plan on doing that. I cannot get your sweet boy out of my head, though (I also have a boy near Samuel’s age), so I will be fasting and praying for him tomorrow as well. I pray that his body is healing and you are receiving the rest and peace it seems you need. Grace and peace!
Dear LORD,
Jehovah Rapha, please touch Samuel. We know you can heal and we ask this gift for Samuel. Please, Father, adjust his system and let him metabolize nutrients. Let him not have an infection. Let him be well. God, please give Rachel peace and surround her with your Spirit. Comfort her. Hold her up. You know the love of a father and you know what it means to watch your child suffer. Hear the cries of this mother’s heart and heal her son. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
We are always safe when we’re in the Lord’s Hands! Praying!
Psalms 31:5 Into thine hand I commit my spirit: thou hast redeemed me, O LORD God of truth.
Prayer Bears
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Rachel I am here via Lea and spreding the word for prayers for you and your sweet Samuel….
Nancy & family
My heart is aching for you… for Samuel… for your family. This momma’s heart is covering you full out in prayer!!!