I’ve lived in crisis most of my life.
Divorce. Bankruptcy. Money issues. Single parenting. Moving. Celiac Disease. Just a bunch.
And normal regular kid-mom-life stuff mixed in.
It’s been easy to fall back in that crisis space. To identify with the struggle, with the heaviness, with the burdens, with the constant worrying. In fact, that pressure has almost become my identity. It’s like I would subtly introduce myself as Rachel Martin, bearer of burdens.
As a result, my friends, I think I tended to become more and more pessimistic. Not because that’s my heart, but that became my heart’s safety measure.
Don’t believe, don’t hope, don’t dream because you might get burnt.
I believed and lived that way for so long. After all, which one of us ever wants to get hurt?
So instead of embracing the now I’ve sort of lived in limbo.
But, friends, I started changing all the problems six years ago and my life changed – I have money, I no longer need to worry, I’m happy, I’m in a relationship, my kids are happy. But my heart? My heart almost defaults back to that thinking. And my friends have been telling me to write about the joy, the triumph, the other side. They want me to write so you KNOW that life isn’t always a struggle, but also an unbelievable joy and blessing.
But I’ve been afraid.
Afraid and almost unable to acknowledge that I’m no longer in Kansas.
(In case you’re wondering, the reference to Kansas is a parallel to the movie The Wizard of Oz where Dorothy exists in Oz but feels the pulls of Kansas still…)
I think we should talk about the this space.
You see, vulnerably and being transparent with you, I’m not in that space of constant pressure, constant trials, constant worries, but I almost live, if I’m not careful, waiting for the rug to be pulled out from underneath me. And my life coach and my friends, well, they have called me out on it.
In the now. Not in the past.
If you’ve read my book The Brave Art of Motherhood it gives great details in how to get unstuck in your life and how to do the hard things. And then, towards the end it talks about getting to the other side, the place that you no longer are living in – with new paradigms, new dreams, new realities – and yet, yet here I am, humbly, afraid to put down roots in this new space.
Sometimes I fear going back.
But I’m not there.
And that is why I’m writing. Because you might not be in Kansas anymore either. You might have pushed and pushed and pushed and pulled and pulled and pulled and changed your life. And on the other side you have to be willing to see yourself in a new light. You have to be willing to put down the old labels that defined you and proudly wear the truth of who you are in the now.
It is essential for you to see me here.
In the new. In the triumph of change.
Do you know why?
It gives breath to the possible.
It is the idea that maybe there is one of you reading this thinking I don’t know if I can change and then you can look at me and see the journey and think that if she can do it so can I.
You see I believe in you so very very much that I’m willing to dare to believe that I’m on the other side. It doesn’t mean there aren’t hard things, but it does mean that I believe that the mountain I deemed impossible to scale is behind me now.
Believe in yourself.
You have power, potential, possibilities and purpose, my friend.
And if you are journeying this way – trust me – if you keep pushing – you will get to the other side. You will gain your victories and your work will be rewarded.
And if you are in Kansas, you see you have within you the potential, the bravery, the courage, the fearlessness, the tenacity, the creativity to change the things and places that you want to change. You, my friend, have to decide to change it. Don’t allow the reality to hold you in your place. Don’t wait until the kids get grown. Don’t give yourself excuses. You are worth it.
You see, it is time for me to realize life is different and to live with that freedom.
And if I can be brave and live with freedom and celebrate the victories, my friend, that is what I want for you too. You see, the true test of friendship and friends is when we celebrate our victories and straighten each other’s crowns.
You know how you always dream in greater things? Well, when you get there, you have to live there too. Don’t allow the fears to hold you back or to not see the sunset or to doubt the change. You are worth a life vibrantly alive.
You just might not be in Kansas anymore.
ps….this all started when my life coach said to me Rachel, you do realize you are not in Kansas anymore, right? And if you do why are you living in the past? Well, that knocked some sense and realization into me. And then I told her that I would write about it. So here it is. <3