i don’t have it all together.

This is me.


You may see this picture of me and think that I have it all together.

You may see the new highlights in my hair or how sweetly my son Samuel is holding onto my arm.

You may see the makeup or the sweater or any of the outside stuff.

You may see me travel and speak.

You may see my instagrams and curtains in my house and counters that are clean. (sometimes)

You may see and wonder.

But if you know me and you could read my eyes you could see the real me.

The one who does not have it together all the time. Even though from the outside it might seem that way.

You’d see this instead. The one who worries. The one who feels so alone. The one who wonders if she’s doing enough. The one who gets angry when others act entitled. The one who compares. The one who looks in her kitchen on a Friday night and doesn’t want to make dinner.  The one who tries on a dozen outfits and decides she likes none. The one who frets sometimes until 2am. The one who races around every single morning and vows that the next morning she’ll get up earlier and yet the next morning she’s still racing. The one that sometimes feels bitter about being a single mom. The one that knows that bitter robs her of joy and so she fights it. The one that, well, the me.

The real deep down me.

The me that so many of us have been taught to hide. The me that wonders if words that I type from my head onto a WordPress screen on my glitchy MacBook Pro will matter. The one who worries about likes or shares and page views and wonders if she resonates. The one who worries then about money and putting food on her table.

The one who judges even though she tries so hard to not. The one who just wants to be real.

Sometimes we just live in worlds where we see the outside and forget the inside. We forget that so many of us are walking journeys that aren’t easy or ideal. We see the other moms who seems to have it all together and then we wonder why we don’t. We see and think that everyone else is happy and yet we can’t even make it through a game of Old Maid with the kids before we’re wishing to get something else checked off the list.

And sometimes all of this looking can just leave us feeling so alone in this life journey called motherhood.



What if you have a picture just like mine and you could see that underneath it all there is a real person – a person who doesn’t want to feel alone or lost or that needs a reminder that what she is doing matters?

Because today my friends, I’ll admit it, I really didn’t feel like I had it together. Someone has to say it, you know. Someone needs to say that there are simply days where it seems like everything what one is doing really doesn’t make a difference or that they’re living in a world of wishing and comparing and hoping that tomorrow they can have it together.

Because sometimes it just feels like it doesn’t matter, right? Does anyone seem to care that you made spaghetti for dinner with sausage as a surprise? They seem to care because they don’t like penne noodles. Does anyone care that you made it to the school pickup line at record time and you were running to make sure you did? What about all the times you gave up sleep and rocked those babies to sleep? Or the times you stayed up late for the teen only to have them get mad at you for doing that?

But but but… What about the times when you were courageous and brave and did the hard stuff for them? What about the times when you said no and chose paths that you knew would be hard? What about all the calls to the doctor or teachers when you fought for your kids? What about all the times teaching things? Tying shoes, alphabet, driving and how to get along with others? What about all the tears that you tucked in and just kept going?

What about all of those things?

Do you see the power and awesome and great and the having it all together in all of those things?


Because sometimes I forget to see it in my own life and think that I can’t do it or that I’m messing up or I get mad at myself for crying or feeling overwhelmed. And those are the times when I get sucked into thinking that I am the only mom on the face of this earth that can’t seem to keep it together all the time.

Which, as I write that out, seems ridiculous because I was instantly reminded of potty training days and how in my opinion they are the most trying times of motherhood.  Okay. Back to the point.

The truth is that maybe I needed to write this out to remind me of my own strength. Or maybe, just maybe you are the person that was supposed to read this tonight. Because, the truth is that I could be doing a zillion things right now. My kitchen needs to be cleaned up from spaghetti. I have doctors I’m waiting to hear from. I have kids fighting over whose turn it is on the computer.

But I for some reason felt that I need to write to say one thing.

None of us have it together all the time. In fact, motherhood is really a journey of learning that you don’t have to have all the answers nor have the perfect responses all the time or have it together every single second to make it matter. In fact, motherhood matters because you love and give and love yourself even for not being perfect. Yes, that.

I think that’s it. I don’t really care if this gets a million likes like Why Being a Mom is Enough or if it gets one and blesses one person. Do you know why? Because if you are that one person then you are the reason I stopped my own crazy dialogue of overwhelm and decided to write truth to both us. Maybe I don’t have it all together, but you know what? Maybe I really do. And maybe you do too.

I believe in you. 

(that made me teary)

I really really do.

From one not having it all together all the time mom to you.



14 Responses to “i don’t have it all together.”

  1. November 20, 2015

    Debbie Reply

    Right now. In this moment. This was exactly what I needed. I just spent 20 minutes in the car, stressing over how I was going to pay for a wonderful opportunity for my daughter, weeping about it. Questioning whether I was worthy of being her mom because I can afford these things that come out way. I always have to figure out how to pay for them. It will happen. She will go and I will take her. And the rest of my bills will be paid and there will be food in the cupboards too. Thank you. You have given my just what I needed.

  2. November 20, 2015

    Jess Reply

    Thank you. And me, too, sister. Every day. ❤❤❤

  3. November 21, 2015

    Theresa McCabe Reply

    I believe in you. Isnt that what we all need to hear as moms? A cheering section. It reminds me of a time when i was running a half marathon and 3 ladies started cheering me on at mile 10. I got teary, because i was doubting and questioning the why of everything especially running that race. That was over 7 years ago, im still pushing myself in this marathon of motherhood. Im not the fastest,thinnest,highly trained, on the field, but you know what…im on the field and that counts. Im showing up everyday, for every little and big moments in each of my childrens life.And that is no small feat!

    • November 21, 2015

      Theresa McCabe Reply

      So I am your little cheering section tonight saying,I believe in you, Rachel! Whether you post or dont, whether you clean or dont, whether you video or dont,Im cheering you on!!You Rock!

  4. November 21, 2015

    Erin Reply

    Thank you. It is lonely being a mom and trying everyday and failing in many ways to meet our own expectations. Thanks for putting these thoughts out there.

  5. November 21, 2015

    Susan Reply

    Thank you so much. You’re so on the spot. I felt blessed and comforted after reading this. Hope you can feel that I (and lots and lots of readers) believe in you, too.

  6. November 22, 2015

    Dana Reply

    “I believe in you”. It’s hard to hear when you don’t believe in yourself.

  7. November 24, 2015

    Krissy Reply

    Oh thank you for this. I struggle with the loneliness. The panic that sets in after a look at FB- magnifying all of the things I’m not doing, places I’m not going, dates my husband and I don’t go on, the fun things girlfriends somehow find time to do while I’m in a bathrobe surrounded by dishes or hot wheels….
    I have those post able moments, the good hair, the happy kid, the vacation… But sometimes those posts make me feel even lonelier- because they aren’t me. They are moments that give people a one sided view of who I must be. And there’s the culture of being/thinking positive, the motivational quotes, the thing about surrounding yourself with positive people, if they don’t I lift you don’t waste your time with them… Well then…. What about keeping it real? I fear that sharing my down moments will isolate me more. I fear that if people knew I was crying and scared inside while eating ice cream with my beautiful kids at the zoo, I’d lose my ranking in the virtual world of friends that are so important to my SAHM life.
    So thank you. Honesty is healing. Giving people a chance to see their reflection in someone else is a gift.

  8. November 28, 2015

    Andrea Reply

    I’m teary too! For my own not-togetherness, for your not-togetherness but most of all for not feeling alone anymore!! Thank you!


  9. December 1, 2015

    Jenifer Reply

    Wow! I have no words, been feeling the same way for awhile now. I’m thankful I’m not alone in this. At the same time, I wouldn’t wish for anyone to feel this way. Thank you for letting me be teary eyed and thank you for being the real you.

  10. December 1, 2015

    Michele Mcintosh Reply

    It seems like we as mothers share this common thread of experiences of upset and joy confusion and being overwhelmed. It’s so refreshing to have someone show you how to step back and refocus on the positive things you have accomplished. Show you how to enjoy the little things and not sweat the small stuff. Thank you!

  11. December 2, 2015

    Jessica Reply

    I just wanted to say thank you so much for sharing your stories! They help more than you could ever imagine. Every time I feel like I am hitting my breaking point and I’m screwing it all up I read one of your post and you word everything so perfectly and I don’t feel so alone. I really needed this story this week, thank you. You are such a beautiful soul! -Jesse

  12. December 17, 2015

    melissa newelll Reply

    sigh….been that kind of season….feeling the same way Rach… Here’s to a new 2016 and the chance to get it right or to at least trying 8)

    Blessings my friend


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