How’s that for a title?
But it’s true.
I won’t be snarky about my kids behind their backs. I just won’t. And honestly, I’m just going to put myself out there and encourage you to not either. Now listen, listen, listen…this doesn’t mean that we can’t discuss our kids or talk about the bad days or how they’re driving us crazy at times. Because, honestly, unless you have the perfect child from the What to Expect When You’re Expecting book it just doesn’t happen. I’ve tried for twenty years and yet there is still unbelievably crazy stressful trying and are you kidding me? days.
But, back to this snarky thing.
I just won’t talk poorly about them with others. Especially publicly.
I won’t. I mean look at that face. He loves me, his mom. He trusts me.
He deserves me guarding that gift.
Truthfully? I don’t think it’s fair and I really don’t think it adds to our lives – and certainly not our kids lives. I won’t call my kids brats or stupid or all the things that sometimes I read. Now, listen, I’m not judging, but I’m sharing. We all can make our choices about what we say about our kids, but I also know that what we say kind of is a guide to how we treat people. And I’ve learned in life that I want to operate out of kindness. And I want my kids to trust me to speak well of them with others.
Kids deserve respect.
They deserve us loving them and the knowledge that we’re not calling them brats behind their backs. They can do bratty things, but that does not make them as a person that name. To me, there’s such a difference between talking about parenting and the struggles and simply cutting them down. I love them too much to cut them down, friends.
I don’t even know what compelled me to write this. Maybe, just maybe I’ve seen one too many updates with cutting words about the kids. And holy moly, if it was written about me to my friends by someone I trusted I wouldn’t like it. I’d be hurt. I think we have this cool gift as moms – to be the one person in life that our kids know will stand up for them and will beyond that like them. Yes, like them.
We love them, but liking them? That’s a cool thing.
Guard that gift of being a mom.
That liking? That’s kind of a trust thing – they trust us to be the one’s who speak well of them.
They look up to us.
So with that, I don’t want to be the mom who’s talking poorly about the kids. Do you know why? I want others to think well of them too. And it starts with me.
Bad days can happen. Kids can frustrate us.
But we can love them.
With our words.
~Rachel
10 comments
Just like you said, I want “to be the one person in life that our kids know will stand up for them and will beyond that like them. Yes, like them.”
I also want to be kind to my kids because I know they deserve my respect and trust me without reservation. Thanks for sharing. Your thoughts made sense to me.
My mom did that and we have always been close!!! Great job Mama!!!
I support your view because kids, as well as adults receive too much criticism nowadays and as parents and compassionate beings we should always encourage, not speak negatively about our kids. There remains the consistent goal of setting a strong and loving standard of behavior in all we do =)
I love this post. It reminded me that my kids are incredible. Absolutely incredible and I should not use my energy up in arguing with them, but in liking them as people.
Thank you sooooooo much for this perspective. I never thought about my words,relationship/bond with them like this. Thank you!
Oh, just wait until they’re teenagers!
I do have teenagers and a daughter in college. 🙂
What we speak becomes what we think, so by complaining our children are “brats” or “annoying” when they’re small, we’re setting ourselves up to continue believing that, creating a divide in our relationship that can then lead to making the teenage years harder than necessary. Instead of telling parents of young children to “just wait till they’re teenagers,” try “that will go a long way when they’re teenagers.” Or maybe even a bit of vulnerable honesty, “I did it differently and it was hard in the teenage years. Maybe you’ll avoid some of my heartaches and mistakes.”
Parenting is tough and we should be uplifting one another in this work, not letting other parents know that we’re standing by, just waiting to watch them fall.
I love this! I’ve NEVER understood why people GRIPE about what their children do/don’t do to others. Or complain that their teen doesn’t know how to do something… I know someone who does this and all I can think is “DID YOU TEACH THEM?!” My children are still in elementary, so I often hear “Just wait, you’ll get your turn, and I can’t wait.” Um… can you see into the future and know exactly what my kids will be doing?!
I love my children and I truly LIKE them and spending time with them. A frustrating day is just that… it’s a day.
Take yourself out of the parent/child role and consider it from the point of view of you and a peer. Encourage other Moms! Take responsibility for your child’s actions.
— deep breath — stepping down now —
This is so true! We have 3- 11, 12, and 15. They are amazing kids. It is so disheartening to see people comment negatively about their kids on social media or in person, making snarky comments about how difficult they are or how they are getting along with their sibling for 30 seconds (some kind of miracle). I, too hear the comments about “oh, you have a teen and 2 preteens- that’s awful”. Our kids are amazing. We love spending time with them, love the respect we all show each other, and how they act towards their siblings. It starts with us and the respect we show them. Difficult times are a chance to teach them, not complain about them.