You get the picture? Think volley — like in tennis.
That’s my mind. Right now.
I can’t seem to come to a resting place for our upcoming year. You know we homeschool, right? Well, at heart, I’m this relaxed homeschooler. Love the organic style of learning. Love sitting on a couch reading. Love that. Then, on the very same breath, I love structure. Having a plan, written out, with boxes to check and goals to complete. I drool (not like Samuel) over these pre-planned curriculums — where the day is scheduled out.
I think it comes down to more than curriculum.
It’s more me. It’s the internal battle, the struggle to figure out who I’m supposed to be. It’s learning to be content in our day to day journey without all the bells and whistles. You see, right now, I’m discovering that I am to be secure in not having the pre-planned curriculum (which, as a disclaimer, is not a bad thing). And that even without it I am to be diligent. Somehow I’ve given myself an excuse — I don’t have what I need or want or think I need — and I can’t do that. I’m not being faithful and a steward of my time and using what I do have. I keep looking outside, thinking that’s the answer, instead of looking in, praying and working hard. It takes perseverance.
So the catalogs that flood my mailbox now line my recycling bin (shhhhh…don’t tell the publisher). The emails are in the trash. Now, I’m trying to be content in the direction the Lord desires for our family. Not the direction that I think, or the publisher tells me I should have, or the standards list. No. I’m doing what God wants.
Maybe I don’t have the list with pre-planned neat boxes to check that I thought I needed.
But, I do know that I’m following His path for our family. And this path? Involves me believing in myself, trusting in Him, and maybe, just maybe, making my own neat boxes to check.