You get the picture? Think volley — like in tennis.
That’s my mind. Right now.
I can’t seem to come to a resting place for our upcoming year. You know we homeschool, right? Well, at heart, I’m this relaxed homeschooler. Love the organic style of learning. Love sitting on a couch reading. Love that. Then, on the very same breath, I love structure. Having a plan, written out, with boxes to check and goals to complete. I drool (not like Samuel) over these pre-planned curriculums — where the day is scheduled out.
I think it comes down to more than curriculum.
It’s more me. It’s the internal battle, the struggle to figure out who I’m supposed to be. It’s learning to be content in our day to day journey without all the bells and whistles. You see, right now, I’m discovering that I am to be secure in not having the pre-planned curriculum (which, as a disclaimer, is not a bad thing). And that even without it I am to be diligent. Somehow I’ve given myself an excuse — I don’t have what I need or want or think I need — and I can’t do that. I’m not being faithful and a steward of my time and using what I do have. I keep looking outside, thinking that’s the answer, instead of looking in, praying and working hard. It takes perseverance.
So the catalogs that flood my mailbox now line my recycling bin (shhhhh…don’t tell the publisher). The emails are in the trash. Now, I’m trying to be content in the direction the Lord desires for our family. Not the direction that I think, or the publisher tells me I should have, or the standards list. No. I’m doing what God wants.
Maybe I don’t have the list with pre-planned neat boxes to check that I thought I needed.
But, I do know that I’m following His path for our family. And this path? Involves me believing in myself, trusting in Him, and maybe, just maybe, making my own neat boxes to check.
17 comments
Very true. You should do what our Lord wants, and not depend on you own reasoning to make decisions.
“Trust in the Lord, lean not on your own understanding. In all you ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”
With blessings,
~bree
Ah…you are my homeschooling twin. The “uptight” side of me likes structure and lesson plans…the creative, free-flowing side of me likes learning through discovery, taking the road less traveled…there has to be a happy medium, and being led by the spirit…he will instruct me and show me the way I should go. His path. Which is so much better!
I have such admiration for home schooling Moms. If I had home schooled our children, I would definitely have been just like you. I am an organizational and structure enthusiest. Blessings to you this school year!
Love this because even though I wanted to check off boxes…well it never worked for my crew! My boys just never allowed their mother to put them in a box…oh, I tried and then by January we were putting all that stuff back in a box and going back to what worked for us…we still kept math and science…but everything else was up for grabs…we just seem to be a hands on, think outside the box, not boxes X-ed off family….and all of the top four went to college…so they most have learned something.
Peace…let God lead you and you will get to where He wants your family!!!
Thanks for sharing, Rachel! I am so glad that you are following God’s leading- that is ALL that matters! I just prayed that God would fill your heart with peace!
Jessica
I do not homeschool, but I could not imagine doing it without a definate plan. I am excited to see where God takes you and how you grow more into who He has called you to be.
Hi Rachel,
I am so with you! I have been homeschooling for 8 years and went from the neat little boxes and packaged curriculum to last year, going ala carte and designing some components myself.
There is always that feeling, “are they getting all they need?” “Am I doing enough?” And I say, you are doing exactly the right thing. God will guide you and just keep resting in Him. You are giving your children much more than any publisher can by just being with them all day long, instilling in them Godly character and truths, and loving on them as only a mom can. That can’t be bought!
Thanks so much for your honesty and sharing your struggle. Oh, how I have been right there with you.
Press on and persevere.
Warmly,
Stacy
hi visiting and dropping on your blog..
so to be frank do u like my blog..if so follow and drop a comment ..if u dont like means just dont drop a comment ..
I’ve found that whatever you do at home is exceedingly more than what kids learn at school. So take a deep breath, relax, and just have fun!
Know that the Lord is always with you, wrapping His loving arms around you and holding on tight!
Psalms 18:2-6 The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies. The sorrows of death compassed me, and the floods of ungodly men made me afraid. The sorrows of hell compassed me about: the snares of death prevented me. In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears.
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i feel like i’d write this same post 5 years from now… if we homeschol. we’re still thinking and praying about homeschooling. even now, though, i try to have a structured learning time w/ hunter. its not consistent like i’d like but its something. its beautiful watching the Lord’s path unfold in your family. thanks for sharing it with us. thanks for being obedient. oh, and as a product of those prepackaged curriculums, i definitely like your way better.
i feel like i’d write this same post 5 years from now… if we homeschol. we’re still thinking and praying about homeschooling. even now, though, i try to have a structured learning time w/ hunter. its not consistent like i’d like but its something. its beautiful watching the Lord’s path unfold in your family. thanks for sharing it with us. thanks for being obedient. oh, and as a product of those prepackaged curriculums, i definitely like your way better.
Arrrg! It’s so hard, isn’t it? This relationship-instead-of-formula thing? It permeates every aspect of our lives. We have to do what’s best for our family, which means listening closely to that small, still Voice. Opening a box with plans seems much eaiser.
I don’t even look at the homeschool catalogues and magazines anymore. They were filling my head with discontented thoughts.
I am blessed with what I have. God has given me everything I need to homeschool my children without all the bells and whistles.
Loved this post!
Rachel, you are soo doing the right thing by letting God lead you! My husband and I have had a few discussions about whether homeschoooling is an option for us, although we still have a few years before she would begin. I am going to school to be a teacher and the more I learn and hear other mothers talk about homeschooling the more I feel God is already leading me to teach my child. I know that if I do I will have a “free” style like you too, well if thats what the Lord wants me to do! Many blessings to you and your beautiful family!
i think i could’ve written this same post only it would be me in my first year of homeschooling. I feel so unprepared by the standards of all the books that I have looked at but I really feel like this is what we are to do for our girls. I don’t have some neatly laid out plan and that bothers me. Thanks for reminding me that the Lord is the one who gives wisdom and direction especially when it comes to how He would have us train up our little ones!
Amen…very wise words and an equally wise choice….
Spoken like a homeschooler. I dealt with that same exact feeling when I was homeschooling. I knew that it was right when it felt completely right and without question. You will too. Let God guide you.