I’m easily offended.
Well, at least that’s what I’m working to change, honestly. But, I’m the type of offended that doesn’t spit out the answer to others or makes bold statements. I’m the type that will ruminate about it the whole way home and think of a dozen super clever come back answers and play over the whole thing in my head over and over and over again.
And then, when that happens I feel small.
And then, when I feel small, I shrink back.
And then, when I shrink back, I find myself offended.
I like to think of it as the quiet offended.
But seriously, it robs me of joy.
But seriously, again, it’s hard for me to let go. Somehow in this world I got the idea that if I let go of the places where I hurt then as a result I am setting myself to get hurt again.
I’m sure someone told me once to not be a doormat and it stuck. Well, the quiet offended one may not retaliate with words, but they do because they don’t forget anything. Oh I don’t forget stuff easily. I can remember how I felt and where I was and how I wish I had responded. It can sit with me, festering, often in the shadows.
But who is being offended then?
Who is the one letting the past dictate today?
That would be me.
You see, I’ve discovered that if I go down the spiral of feeling that way that the only person at the end of the spiral that tends to get hurt is me. Or you, if you follow this path.
The plain truth is: sometimes I’m wrong. Sometimes I misunderstand. Sometimes I should just let stuff go. Sometimes I don’t give the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes I don’t have patience. Sometimes I don’t see the good.
But that happens, and this is just hard to say but we all need to know it, when I think of only myself.
Honestly, most of the time I get offended I’m selfish.
Wanting my way or my voice heard or not giving grace.
But that’s not the secret to a happy life.
That’s not the answer for joy. That’s like waiting for everything to be perfect and only when it’s perfect deciding to act.
So I’m changing the narrative.
Letting go.
Choosing to forgive.
Daring to see the good first.
Fighting battles that matter, not the small stuff.
Working to love.
Breathing deeply.
Knowing that we are all walking this journey together.
You see my actions, your actions, create a ripple. A ripple of love or a ripple of angst. And when I lived with my hands up in defense I missed out on the sacred of the moment. Of time together. Of letting a misunderstanding speak louder than love. Of allowing my pride to dictate my heart. Of missing those right in front of me.
How many minutes did I lose stewing over responses in my van? What would have happened if I had simply choose to move on instead?
Sister, choose love. That’s the secret. If love is the default, how can one not live with more happiness? If in a moment, your next best choice it more powerful, more happiness based, how can you stay stuck in offended?
Oh fight the fights that you need to. But let the rest go. Your life, your heart will feel lighter. Trust me.
I’ve worked on this for the past months.
I’m proud. Living without bitterness and being offended is freeing.
It is so worth it.
Forgive, reach out, love. Find the sacred in the moments, first.
It will change your life.
-Rachel
