sticks and stones may break my bones
but words will never hurt me….
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She was just a girl. Little, in fifth grade, with uncontrolled frizzy hair and a freckly face. But, despite that, oh so awkward stage, she felt good that day. In fact, she felt amazing and full of confidence. She had on these cool pants – floral pants, very 80s pants, with a bright bold pattern splashed about everywhere. And she had on her white sweatshirt – cute with the 3/4 length sleeves and the trendy emblem on the front. In her mind? Perfection.
She got permission to look at the nailpolish in Target while her mom and dad looked at the shampoo in the next aisle. She looked – at the reds, blues and the pinks – feeling as if nothing could stop her right then. To her, it was the perfect growing up type of afternoon. And just then, three boys, teenagers probably, came around the corner, saw her, the anonymous girl, and decided to yell something at her.
Hey Ugly.
She looked up, the once confident little eleven year old in her favorite outfit, and saw them. Laughing. At her. They ran off and left her standing there in the midst of pointless nailpolish. Who cared about luscious pink and cherry reds now. Now, she hated her clothes. She hated those pants with the purple flowers splotched about. She hated her hair. She now thought she was ugly.
And she lived with that. For years and years and years.
Hey Ugly.
She grew. Got married. Had children. Yet, still in the background of her mind were those two little words. Hey Ugly. She let them grow and grow and grow. Then it developed into more and more more lies about herself that developed from one little lie yelled at her in the midst of an early years Target.
You’re not good enough.
No one likes you.
You’re dumb.
You can’t do it.
You’ll never do anything.
All from Hey Ugly.
Until, one day, that little girl, who was now an adult learned the truth of Hey Ugly. She learned that she was not ugly, but rather a daughter of the King. She learned that those kids, those boys, probably never thought again of the words that they yelled at that little girl in Target with her fabulously cute, but never worn again, floral pants. Or how those words could define a life. Until the girl, now an adult, decided to no longer live with those words defining her life. She instead began to live knowing that she was beautiful – In the Lord.
She learned about the power of words. She learned how callously and carelessly they are thrown around – little phrases here and there and when these words are left unchecked they grow into lies distorting the truth of self. She learned that as a mother that she needs to absolutely guard the words that she tells her children. She learned that she is not an emotion. She is not angry, sad, mad, scared, fearful and all of that. She is much more than emotion.
And she learned to forgive and let go of the hurt from those boys that decided in their world to be funny and yell at a little girl Hey Ugly.
She wasn’t ugly. She just believed them.
But, not anymore.
She learned how those are lies of a culture that are destined to hold people, to hold women, to hold moms back. The lies don’t define a life. The lies don’t define worth. They don’t define value. Or potential. They don’t define beauty. They don’t define capability. Instead she learned that truth defines.
And now, she’s sitting here, behind a laptop writing to you.
She’s telling you that you are not ugly, worthless, pointless, never going to measure up, a failure, don’t matter, and all of that lie filled chatter that can run through our minds. Rather, you are beautiful. You are worthy. You are full of potential. You, right now, in your home with all that you are doing and have to do, with those old lies that no longer need to run through your head, you are absolutely beautiful.
Do not ever forget that.
Do not ever listen to the Hey Ugly cries of this world.
You are more than that.
You are a beautiful daughter of the King.
She’s telling you, she’s imploring of you, to listen to that finding joy truth instead.
Walking The Visual Journey
If you’re following the Brave Art of Motherhood Visual Journey . . . my van fire was pretty traumatic for the whole family, but it did teach us some good things about stuff .
40 comments
thnk you rachel. just thank you.
My thoughts exactly Gen D’Orleans:
Thank you
x
ad with that – you made me cry …
YOU, are so very beautiful, both inside and out.
That I know you and love you and get to count you as a friend is one of life’s greatest blessings.
You are a light, a treasure,a gift.
Always xxx
Oh wow. Thank you. It is my goal that my daughters will always know their true worth is found in Christ. Thank you for the reminder of how very important this is.
Powerful, uplifting, encouraging words! Beautifully written.
Beautiful! Even knowing I am a daughter of the King, I still sometimes listen to the lies, wondering. Thank you for the reminder.
Rachel, I have thought of this so many times since you shared this at 2:1 conference! I’m so glad that you posted it so I could share it with others. Powerful post!! Thank you!!
I struggled with the pain of hearing those words for many years during my childhood!! I too let them define me into adulthood. Words are so powerful – thank you SO MUCH for sharing yours!
Rachel, I love this because I too was that girl. I believed what they said once. And now that I have a little girl I want so badly to protect her from those words. But I cannot. All I can do is tell her daily what my pastor said just yesterday his grandma used to say, “Just because they say you are something (good or bad) does not mean that you are that. Only you, with God’s help and revelation, determine who you are.” Thank you for this confirmation!
Oh so powerful Rachel! So blessed that you have shared this!
Thank you. An awesomely powerful post! Beautifully written.
Oh my what a beautiful message! It’s so awesome to see God turn hurt and something truly ugly into a transformed heart and life that reaches out to change and love others. Oh thanks for sharing. How many young girls need to hear that today? How many moms are still living with the lies they have been told? Unfortunately way too many. Thanks for sharing it, hopefully others will learn to stop believing the lies too. You truly are a beautiful daughter of the King! God bless you!
~Lori
Wow, this hit home. However I was in Jr. High in a new school. Moved from NY to Canada to FL. I felt I had been transplanted on the moon being in 7th grade! Fast forward to 8th grade and the school was all a buzz. The most popular guy was going to ask one of the girls to “go steady.” If my parents (strict Italians) had heard that word I wouldn’t have lived to accept, however I was pitted (against my choice) with a cheerleader. It boiled down to this, I was “fun” and she was “pretty”… yes, you guessed it, I was not chosen… I lived with the thought all those years that I was not pretty. My husband of 32 years has more than healed the wound, however I still struggle with this from time to time despite knowing my beauty lies in my walk with the LORD, HIS love for me and as an heir to the Kingdom what more could I ask?
Thanks for reminding us that the enemy doesn’t sleep, he wants to rob us of our peace, and thanks especially, Rachel for sharing your heart…YOU are beautiful both inside and out!
A boy in high school used to call me a name. Almost every day. It stuck with me for the longest time, far past high school, until I realized that scrawny short underclassman had no right to have any control over me. The same feelings you described at 11. Thank you for this post. Just as 1 word could hurt me for so long, our words spoken out of frustration to our kids stick. We may quickly forget, but they do not if they stung and hurt them badly. Thank you for this post.
Oh, this tugged at my heart as I remembered the moment when I was 12 and a classmate walked up to me and said the exact same thing…and how many years I believed him! Sometimes those lies still try to creep in – thank you for the reminder of the truth!
Another wonderful, timely post … THANK YOU!
This is such a beautiful post. Thank you!!
🙂
Tearing up again, Rachel, your words spoke to my heart at 2:1. As I go through life, I find more and more that all the women I have come to admire have similar stories hidden deep within themselves. And to think I thought I was the only one.
Wow, just wow. I was just telling Nicole (By word of mouth) yesterday how much I enjoy reading your posts. And here’s another one. You have a way with words that just amazes me!!! Absolutely wonderful.
“She wasn’t ugly. She just believed them. But, not anymore.” Oh, I so needed this reminder. Just because ugly words are spoken of me, does not mean they are true – the power of those words comes when I believe them, even though they are lies. But, I don’t want to anymore. I want to rest in His truths about me. I needed this today – thank you, so, so much.
Thank you Rachel. I think you have so beautifully expressed what so many of us little girls have dealt with at one time or another. A feeling of inadequacy – of not measuring up – of not being enough on someone’s crazy out-of-whack scale. Your theme “A Child of the King,” is my underlying blog theme as well. We are all truly beautiful without and within when God is allowed to remake our thoughts and attitudes with His grace and mercy. Thanks my friend for this beautiful written expression. I hope you don’t mind my cutting and pasting it into my blog this week.
Thank you for this post that touched my heart 🙂
A very beautiful, well needed and encouraging post. Thank you so much!
A wonderful post and I appreciate the encouragement.
Beautifully put. I know just how badly words can hurt. I also lived it. I hear words like “Thunder Thighs” and “Big Bootie” I laugh at it now, not because it didn’t hurt, but because I didn’t have a big anything back then. Now, if they could see me today, they might have a little more to tease me for… The memories linger, but we need to change them. We need to let it be a memory and nothing more.
I was always picked on when I was growing up…oh what it does to you!
Whatever the Lord allows to happen in your life, He’ll get you through! Praying right now!
Psalms 91:9-12 Because thou hast made the LORD, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation; There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling. For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways. They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.
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That was so well written. Thank you.
🙂
I related to much of it, and I’m sure most of us do…
ALoha!
Yes…this spoke right to me today!
This is beautiful–I could see the beautiful, young girl standing in the store feeling so good about herself and her day, and then I felt the pain of hearing those words. Your post has so many important reminders. I plan to have my daughter read this entry–it bothers me when she says, “I’m fat.” or we tell her she’s our beautiful gift and she says, “I’m not beautiful.” I just cringe hearing it because it’s almost as if the media trains our daughters to think they have to keep improving their looks–that the way God created them isn’t good enough. Thank you so much for sharing this. (Now I have to go dry my eyes!)
I already commented earlier, but I read Michelle’s comment and couldn’t help but tear up. It is so sad to hear a child say those words. I haven’t heard my children say it about themselves, but I have heard them call each other names and I get on them for it. It hurts. I also couldn’t help but think of how many times I say I am fat or that I am ugly. It isn’t good for me to do that – my kids are listening.
Rachel, you blessed me so completely with your words at 2:1. I had a terrible night a couple of days before conference and in a moment just south of crazy, I wrote THIS POST. As you spoke at conference, I was SURE you had read it.
My FIRST “Hey Ugly” moment was when I was in the sixth grade. I was wearing a pair of Chic jeans. Remember those? We were lining up to go into the school after recess and the boy behind me said, “You are not pretty enough to wear Chic jeans. Only Christie (the prettiest girl in the 6th grade) can wear Chic jeans.” Every harsh word tossed carelessly at me for the rest of my life has just piled on top of that one.
Thank you for allowing God to use you to offer healing to people like me.
this is such a good word. i still remember when the photographer from 4th grade school portraits referred to me as a boy! it has been in my head ever since. must constantly replace it with Truth. beautiful words and pictures to go along with it. love you.
Tears! Thank you so much for sharing your story! My husband tells me all the time how beautiful and wonderful I am and I thank him and believe him! But the words of my past come creeping in and I let myself believe those words instead!
Starting now- I refuse to let those words creep in anymore! I am a daughter of the most high! <3
Thank you.
This is awesome. =)
Wow. I don’t know if I have ever been here before. That was absolutely beautiful though. Thank you for sharing. I am tweeting it right this second. Thank you for taking the time to write this. I know it will impact someone in a beautiful way.
Your pictures reminded me of one of my very favorite photographers of all time, Sheye Rosemeyer. Beautiful.
Thought I saw that you’d written a newer post than this one…am I going nuts? (no…don’t answer that!)
Praying in Seattle!
Psalms 91:14-15 Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name. He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him.
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I could have written this identically except for the fact that I had no idea what a Target was until I was an adult. 🙁
this was me.
thank you for sharing it!
God is so very good! 🙂
xoxo
Beautiful post. As are you and your sweet children.