The other day I was talking with a friend about trying to find joy in a life that seems to be stuck in a perpetual place of limbo. We chatted about fear and fear of the future and fear of making a wrong move and fear that happiness might not return.
And as we were talking I realized that maybe our expectations are wrong.
We want good days.
We want a good month for a change.
We want a good year, because after all, the last couple have been hard.
I think we have that backwards.
I really do.
What if instead of stipulating that we want all this gigantic good contingent on days, months and years being good that instead we decide to start looking for moments of good.
Yes, moments of good.
Maybe it’s the way the sun flitters through your window on freezing mornings. Or how your kids sit on the heat vent with a blanket when they’re cold (or maybe that’s just mine). Or maybe it’s the smell of coffee in the morning. Maybe it’s the smell of a newborn or the way their hair stands up after a bath.
Maybe it’s a conversation at the coffee shop with a friend from years ago. Maybe it’s that someone bought your coffee before you in the drive thru and then you get to buy the next. Maybe it’s your six year old’s hand that still fits in yours. Or a simple text from your teen with the heart emoji at the end.
Maybe instead of good being attached to gigantic things in this motherhood and life journey that it should be attached to the simplest.
A moment of good.
But, sweet mom, you need to allow yourself to have these sweet moments in the space of chaos and crazy and normal. You need to be willing to stand in the bathroom and look in the mirror and to smile back at you for all you do. For the moments that you probably create for your kids without even realizing.
You know how they get excited over sprinkles on ice-cream? That’s a good enough moment – started by you. Or how they want to crawl in your bed during a thunderstorm? Or how their face lights up when they spot you in a crowded auditorium while they sing up front?
A moment of good. That’s our aim now. Not a day of good. A year of good. But a moment.
Because chances are those moments will build upon each other.
One here, one there, one over there.
We just have to exhale the pressures and inhale the beauty in a life we’re living. And those moments of good can be filled with awesome – of you fighting for you, of you doing what you wanted, of you just resting – it’s really the grace that we so often need as moms.
When the incomplete check marks or the worry or the failing feelings seem to overtake we’re going to tell ourselves that we need a moment of good. We’re going to stop listening to the voices in our head saying we failed and instead we’re going to see that we tried. We’re going to remember that for every time we fell or every bad day we had we stood up again. And again. And again.
Because we love our kids. We want good moments.
And they can be found in lives that might appear messy.
You know the bottom line truth?
(which goes along with yesterday’s post about you get what you tolerate)
It’s that when we go for a moment of good and we keep seeking them out that it allows space for more to happen. And then they build upon each other one after another after another until the good becomes the reality. You see, whether life is perfect or not, you are mothering. You are giving everyday. You’re learning what to do and what not to do.
A moment after a moment.
So today, today before you go to bed I want you to remember only one moment.
A moment of good.
And let that define your day.