Once I dreamed about being a mom.
Once I thought about how perfect the days would be.
Once I labored and brought to this world a screaming and wailing newborn.
Once I dealt with colic.
Once I stayed up and pleaded with a colicky three week old to sleep.
Once I learned that peas make a mess when fed to a baby.
Once I learned to buy groceries with no money in my checking account and a twenty dollar bill in hand.
Once I learned to walk into preschool with my head held high.
Once I learned what it felt like to feel like she didn’t fit in.
Once I wished for money to buy the cool shoes for my kindergartner.
Once I cried myself to sleep.
Once I yelled at them.
Once I cried myself asleep again.
Once I felt like a really bad mom.
Once I walked into a school and enrolled them into school.
Once I walked out of a school with tears in my eyes.
Once I got on a plane and flew away.
Once I spoke to moms in a different city and my kids went to school in my city.
Once I got on the phone and said I love you so so so much.
Once I read just one more story.
Once I said no to the dishes and yes to playing.
Once I said no to playing and yes to the dishes.
Once I learned that social media isn’t always the truth.
Once I was so grateful for my friends online.
Once I felt alone.
Once I felt like I could do anything.
Once I dropped her off in a dorm 2000 miles from my house.
Once I flew home and left her there.
Once I was thankful for Skype.
Once I made dinner with nothing in the pantry but rice and beans.
Once I looked at another and compared.
Once I thought I didn’t measure up.
Once I worried I failed.
Once I wished I was a better mom.
Once I lost happy.
Once I found myself again.
Once I said yes to me.
The me I had forgotten.
And then I realized that all of those once’s in my life weren’t dropping the ball or not doing enough or not measuring up.
It was simply motherhood.