being content. even when the to-do list isn’t done.

I’ve got a to-do list that rivals an encyclopedia.

There’s so much to catch up on – laundry, deep cleaning, organizing, homeschooling, paperwork, emails – and then there’s so much to do – homeschooling {again}, baking, prepping for the Christmas tree coming in and so on. Let me just say, it’s an impressive list of almost never-ending tasks.

I sat at home this afternoon with the sun streaming in {yes, it really was sunny} reading to my boys the story of Sarah Whitcher. It’s a lovely folktale from New Hampshire telling the tale of how a young girl gets lost in the woods for days only to be discovered days later safe and unbelievably protected by a bear. As the words left my mouth I looked around and saw my two older boys content. They were drawing and making scenes on crisp white paper while listening to my words.

Then the story was done.

And my first instinct was to tell them to put the paper away and pull out the math books. We’ve got to do the next thing, keep on schedule, let’s go boys! But, I sat there, with tears still rimming my eyes {if you’ve ever read the book you’ll understand} and watched them work. Busy, intent on drawing, writing, and enjoying each other’s company.

I looked at Grace. She, too, had found a seat at our worn oak kitchen table and was busy drawing and creating Christmas decorations.

The moment was simple.

In that moment of simplicity there was an overriding sense of  peace. I knew that despite my agenda, my plans, my endless tome of a to-do list that instead of hurrying them onto the next thing that I needed to trust myself and let them stay. I needed to release the idea that we needed to do math, and mapping, or reading at that exact moment, and instead allow them the freedom to explore and learn and enjoy the now.

It’s hard for me. I just like to race through that to-do list checking off boxes as quick as I can – and seriously, you know I add some boxes onto the list that are done or almost done so that I can check them off immediately. But, today, today wasn’t about to-do lists. It was about family, and enjoying the simple things, and breathing deep.

Life around here has been out-of-order. There’s been the surgeries, and recoveries, and doctor’s visits, and Thanksgiving, and trying to figure out the new normal. In those days anxiety has risen up and crabbiness floats underneath the surface. Sitting here now, typing in the peace of night, I have the hindsight to realize that if I had chosen to grab my agenda that I would have once again pushed our family back into the frenzy.

Sometimes it is okay to just be.

To sit in learning and to let go of that list.

There are days where we’ll plow through double the list {love those days}, and then they’ll be days like today.  As time goes on I’m getting more and more and more comfortable with being okay with our day at the end of a day like today. I no longer count it as a day where we barely got anything done but rather now they’re beautiful days of family.

I’ve got one short childhood with these sweet  kids.

One.

That to-do list? It really won’t matter in fifteen years, or three months, or even in two days. What will matter? What will matter is the balance found in determining when to let go of the list and when to push through. It will matter more that I was attentive versus trying to force math facts into memory. The learning, the to-do list, it eventually always gets done.

My to-do list? I think we did exactly what we needed to do.