This week we had spaghetti three times.
As I stood looking at the pot of noodles beginning to boil I began to tell myself that I was a bad mom for taking the easy way out and making my kids spaghetti. Again. It isn’t creative. It’s probably not that healthy even though I try to assuage those fears by buying the organic sauce.
But my kids love it.
Like it gets you’re the best mom ever chants and dances of joy because I made them spaghetti again.
And it keeps me sane. Yes, sane. Because what you don’t see is that oftentimes dinner time is the time of day that causes my anxiety to creep in. And sometimes I just don’t want to deal with the drama and the work of dinner. I’m a good mom. I’m telling you that my spaghetti crush is awesome for me.
But here’s the thing that’s awesome about motherhood — those of you who make awesome different wholesome and creative meals every night are just as much of a good mom as me. You see, sometimes we can get so stuck in thinking that just because so and so does something different that they are better and we are somewhat less.
I need you to knock that off.
I mean it.
Because all that does is suck away at the joy of motherhood. And all that comparing – from school choices to food choices to parenting choices to workout choices to whatever choice you want to insert in this complex world of motherhood choices – all that does is just chip away at happiness.
Make spaghetti three times a week. Make your food from scratch. Cloth diaper. Praise the disposable diaper gods. Homeschool. Public school. Co-sleep. Crib sleep. Use pacifiers. Ban Snapchat. Adore Snapchat
I don’t care.
Do what YOU need to do.
That’s what makes a good mom. None of the other stuff that we get our panties in bunches about really matters. What matters is what you do, in your home, out of love for your kids. It’s that trying and showing up.
You see, when we compare we forget the behind the scenes part of motherhood. Comparing one mother to another to the mom on Facebook or Instagram is only a recipe for disaster because it is only a slice of the whole picture.
Maybe those crafts on Instagram make a mom happy. Amen, she’s a good mom.
Maybe spaghetti for dinner keeps a mom sane while she works hard (ah, hello my world). Amen, she’s a good mom.
Maybe iPads at a restaurant gives a mom a break. Amen, she’s a good mom.
Maybe she works part time because she needs some time to cultivate her own self. Amen, she’s a good mom.
Maybe she runs every day and loves yoga. Amen, she’s a good mom.
Maybe, you get the picture?
A good mom can NEVER be defined by another mom. Or a magazine. Or an Instagram post. Or anything other than you. And it is high time that you start looking at the you in the mirror and seeing the you as nothing short that amazing. I’m not joking. Because YOUR KIDS NEED YOU TO SEE YOURSELF THIS WAY.
Our kids NEED us to support each other and love each other and to yell, “You go girl, you’re a good mom!” This world is complicated enough without us trying to deal with a world of expectations. I don’t care that you doubt it, start to believe it for them. They need you to love you for you. They need you to see you for all that you do — not the things you don’t do — or where you think you are falling short. You are a good mom. Whether you have spaghetti forever or you work or any of it.
Want to build confidence in your kids?
Have confidence in yourself.
Be proud of the nuances that make you you and your family yours. Hold your head high. Don’t defend your choices, be proud of them.
Amen, you are a good mom.