to the mom struggling

I don’t think we like to admit we’re struggling.

I don’t know what made you dare to click the link to read this article. Maybe it was the glimpse of hope that perhaps you are not the only mom struggling just a bit in this crazy journey called motherhood. Maybe you just wanted to see if my words were valid.  Maybe you were looking for advice.

Whatever it was, I’ll admit it to you. I struggle with motherhood. I feel like a failure at times. I really hate that feeling – like how in the world can I be failing at something that I work at every single day. You’d think that there wouldn’t be these kind of days anymore. You’d think I would have it all together.

But I don’t. And I hate that.

Struggling doesn’t make you weak or a bad a mom or mean that you’re messing up.

Struggling is part of life. Struggling means that you’re trying, you’re working hard and you expect good. So listen, listen to these words. Please.

To the mom struggling with her self image – let me remind you – you are worth more than the words you hear in your head about yourself and your identity. You are beautiful. You don’t have to define yourself by anyone else – not by the moms in the pick up line, at Target, on Facebook. You are enough.

To the mom struggling with worry – let me remind you – worry means you care. But don’t let the worry steal your joy. There are so many things that we let get in the way of our happiness. So many decisions that don’t have black and white answers. Please, just do one thing – do your best. You are enough.

To the mom struggling with overwhelm – let me remind you – overwhelm means something needs to change. And that is hard. And motherhood can be full of overwhelm, from the school assignments to crying toddlers to clothes that shrink or lost soccer cleats. Don’t let those overwhelm moments grade you. They are just moments, moments to learn from. That’s it. You are enough.

To the mom struggling with fear – let me remind you – that sometimes fear is okay. Fear means that you love those kids that drive you crazy. But don’t let fear of what others think or of making a change get in the way of you. Comparison kills contentment. Don’t fear, don’t compare. Be brave. You are enough.

To the mom struggling with little kids – let me remind you – that little kids, especially littles under five, can drive one crazy. Don’t compare (a theme) you and your day to the mom without littles anymore. Being a mom of little ones is a noble, brave, giving and tiring thing. Your goal is to survive, to get food on the table and to smile. You are amazing. You are enough.

To the mom struggling with kids rebel – let me remind you – that it hurts when they rebel. You love them and they slam the door back in your face. It is such a challenging time to give your heart only to be met with animosity. Rebellion isn’t a result of you – be strong, love those kids. Thank you so much for carrying on and fighting for them. You are enough.

To the mom struggling when life is a mess – let me remind you – that messy is hard and mothering in the middle of divorce or financial crisis or health crisis is so very difficult. You must take care of you too. Carve out that time. And to you I just want to whisper in your ear that you will get through. You will. You are enough.

To the mom struggling with insecurity – let me remind you – to not doubt your awesome. You are the perfect mom for your kids. They don’t call anyone else mom, no one knows them like you do. You may think you’re not enough, but God didn’t make a mistake when He made you their mom. Remember that instead. You are enough.

To the mom simply struggling and she doesn’t know why – let me remind you – how normal you totally are. Don’t ever think that one can get through motherhood without moments of struggle, of moments of doubt, of moments of worry. All of this is part of motherhood. The good days, the bad days, the wonderful days, the toddler clinging to your leg days, the waving goodbye to the highschooler days. You are enough.

There isn’t a guide book, sweet moms, walking this journey.

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Struggling isn’t the worst thing.

It just means you are human, you are real.

It doesn’t have any reflection on your worth or your success at motherhood.

Just breathe, just for a moment, close your eyes and remember that you are simply enough.

Not for the outer victories, but for those moments when you deal with the days of struggle where you put one foot in front of the other in front of the other and you mother.

That, sweet mom, is what you need to remember as you put your head on your pillow tonight.

The struggle was real.

And you won.

~Rachel

 

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4 Responses to “to the mom struggling”

  1. February 1, 2017

    Aubrey Reply

    Dearest Rachel, once again your words came at the perfect time for me. Today was “that” day for me. I want to share with you and others, hoping it might help someone else. Today was my graduation from a 6 month training program for my dream job. I did it, I am so proud of myself, yet I cried all day. I’ve had the flu all week, and have been sick constantly for a month with tons of other heath issues for the past 9 months. My husband deployed to Afghanistan last week. I have two little kids, I work full time, and I am just so overwhelmed it hurts. I can’t bare to ask for help, and when I break down in front of others I feel even worse about it all. Today, after crying to my mom over the phone about all my troubles, a new friend from church called at just the right moment. I had been questioning if God was even hearing my prayers, and I get this phone call when I needed it the most. I’m enough, I’m going to be OK and so will my kids, and next week will be better (when I’m over this darn flu.) So thank you for these kind words that I desperately needed today. You are inspiring, you are a blessing, and you are a rockstar.

  2. February 2, 2017

    Tonia Reply

    I’m in tears over this. The timing could not have been more perfect. You have no idea how much these words mean to me. Thank you so very much!!

  3. February 2, 2017

    Kami Mogelvang Reply

    you rock, thank you so much. why do we compare all of the time!!!? Also, i always enjoy the encouragement towards mothering kids under the age of 5-smile and get food on the table…that is a good goal :) thank you for sharing your words and heart!

  4. February 5, 2017

    Zak Reply

    Dearest Rachel, I chanced upon your blog and am so grateful that you had taken the effort to pen down this beautiful piece. I especially love your quote: You may think you’re not enough, but God didn’t make a mistake when He made you their mom. This perfectly uplifted me when I’m feeling my worst. People around often doubt my capabilities as a new mum. This prejudice can really make me feel so insecure and depressed.. Often making me feel if indeed I’m harming my own baby. Your blog has given me peace of mind and I’m slowly getting back to meeting the upcoming challenges in store for me. Thank you for the support you are giving all the mums out there.

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