Argh. I’m kind of a no mom.
I’ve written about it often – this need to balance yes and no {at hiphomeshoolmoms} and be decisive in our answers to our children {think of dear in a minute mom} – and yet, despite writing about it I’ve come to the realization that if I’m not an in a minute mom then I’m typically a no mom. As the day progresses and questions come at me I’ve learned to just answer with those easy no answers.
No, we’re not going to read now. No snack. Nope, not going to the park today..
Sometimes I don’t think I really listen.
No. Nope. Not right now. Later. No. Nah. No thank you. No. I’m busy.
I started to wonder how often I actually answer yes. I want to be a yes mom. I really do. But, being a yes mom takes work – it takes me letting go of my agenda and listening to the question and not caring too much that things aren’t exactly perfect and that I’ve got a zillion other things to do. Then it’s like I must actually retrain my brain to move away from saying that automatic no to actually saying yes.
Yes.
Ah, yes. Why oh why oh why is it so hard to just let go and say that easy three letter word – yes. When the yes moments come they are met with such joy and surprise and delight by those little ones. You really mean yes, mama? they’ll ask me. And it’s not for going to the park – it’s for reading a book. Or helping in the kitchen. Or letting them come to the store with me. Or taking ten minutes and playing cars. Or teaching them a new song. Or just being with me. Simple moments that I push away by the habit of stating no.
So I’m going to work even harder to become more of a yes mom. I want my yes answers to come more freely so that I don’t rest on the default of no. Balance is part of the answer. But, more than balance, it’s being awake and intentional with those answers to the questions asked of me all day long.
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I was reminded again today why I want to learn to be a better yes mom.
It was two and a half year old sweet Samuel.
Read a book to me? Play these cars with me, momma?
I was in the middle of cleaning his room. That room with those cars and trains and blocks and legos and playfood all jumbled together in a big pile waiting to be sorted. There were blankets to fold and books to put back on the shelf and beds to make. There he was, sitting under the window, sitting by a stack of books that I had just placed there in my rush to get their room clean..
Again. That little voice, wanting his momma to slow down just a bit and sit with him.
Read to me momma?
I had to fight against that no. I had to ignore all that stuff sitting in the room. I had to not care for those moments while I sat in the still messy and unorganized room. I simply needed to say yes.
Yes, Samuel, yes. You want me to read to you?
And we did.
******
Are you a yes momma? Here are several things I am doing to help me remember to add yes to my day.
. try to remember time is short and that this is a season we’re blessed to walk right now.
. intentionally plan ten minute chunks of time within the day for yes moments
. add reminder notes with the word yes on them
. write in on your to-do list items that you’ve said no to before but now want to say yes to
. chose to live awake and attempting to see the world through your child’s eyes
what would you add?
23 comments
Arg…I am not a yes mom and it is something I need to pray more strongly about. I just need to stop and give them the attention they need and desire. YES~
YOU are a wonderful Mom …. a sweet, kind, caring, and honest intentional Mom … never forget that!
I will never forget some of the best advice I ever got from a pastor years ago when my now 16 year old was just a little tyke. He said, “always try to be a yes mom because that way when you say no they will not question it and understand you mean it” So, just like you said here when asked the question I always come back to ask myslf the question “why not?” and usually if it is just out of uconvenience for me and I don’t feel like it I want to say no but end up saying yes.
So, I’m with you here, YES I am!
I almost have the opposite problem…I say yes too much. Just one more book, okay. Let’s drop everything and go to the park, sure its nice outside. But what happens then is that my daughter expects one more book and then another or she expects to go to the park on a whim. I’m not saying that you will be in danger of this other extreme, but it is the balance that is important. As parents we need to take time out to really spend with our kids and still maintain order within our home. This is definitely something to pray about and actively be concious of the relationship we are building with our children. You are blessed and a beautiful mother. Thank you for sharing.
I almost have the opposite problem…I say yes too much. Just one more book, okay. Let’s drop everything and go to the park, sure its nice outside. But what happens then is that my daughter expects one more book and then another or she expects to go to the park on a whim. I’m not saying that you will be in danger of this other extreme, but it is the balance that is important. As parents we need to take time out to really spend with our kids and still maintain order within our home. This is definitely something to pray about and actively be concious of the relationship we are building with our children. You are blessed and a beautiful mother. Thank you for sharing.
absolutely a beautiful post! I find that the more life gets hectic, the more no’s I throw around. :^/ Finding compromise to say yes is thoughtful skill to acquire. I say this because we don’t always wanna be a yes mom for everything, but show balance of must do’s and want to’s. Thanks for sharing!
~Sheri
You are such a blessing Rachel. Not only do you share your own experiences, you help us all with suggestions on how we can help ourselves too. Such wonderful guidance! Loving your honesty and loving heart 🙂
Thank you for sharing your heart. I have also heard to frame the answer without the no. Instead of, ‘no, you can’t play that game right now.’ you can say, ‘ sure, you can play the game as soon as you finish ____.’
Love this post! I struggle with this all the time. I am a full-time working outside the home Mom to two amazing little guys so I feel that I do the “nos even more” when I should even less because I am not around as much. Sigh…I just wrote a whole post about being “jaded” and I think I could add this “no mom” post to my lists of “things to work on”.
This is wonderful! Something that I always try to do! I am for the most part a yes mom but I can always do better! Thanks for sharing!
Love this! Such a good reminder; it is so easy to say no when there are so many other things to accomplish. My fav technique is to always say yes first, and then follow with a maybe later if the answer is really no. Example: Mommy, can I have a snack? Yes! But let’s finish cleaning up this room first.
This usually works really well, and my son and I both get what we want; just on different time frames.
You inspired me a couple of weeks ago to write out a “summer to-do list,” with things like swim, eat cookies for snacks, play board games, etc. One of the things on my list was “say yes.” Too often, I’m a “no mom” or an “in a minute mom.” I’m realizing that those “in a minutes” add up, and I don’t want to miss out.
Oh my yes, this is something I struggle with. I’ve been trying to be more aware of what I’m saying to the kids and just how often I say no. I have to remind myself frequently that they aren’t always going to want me to read to them or play with them or watch them go down the slide again!
Oof. Once again, you have managed to describe me. And it kind of hurts. :] (in a good way….in a reminder-to-change-for-the-better way)
When I first read Raising Your Spirited Child (by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka), she described personality types, and I realized that I tend to have a negative first response (in general).
I definitely have to work harder at giving more yesses – especially when they really don’t require THAT much from me, yet will make the kiddos happy.
Thanks for putting this out there and making us examine ourselves closer, Rachel!
I think I am gonna be a yes dad
I don’t know how you look into those big blue eyes and ever say no!
Our only true hope is in the Lord! Praying!
Romans 15:4, 13 For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope. (13) Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.
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I struggle with this exact thing.
Thanks for sharing! I hope to read to my son today.
hmmmmm…i need this, too.
i am such a no mama and i want to be different and not so caught up in my own agenda.
time is fleeting and our lives are but a vapour…my kids are growing so fast!
YES! YES! YES! my new theme.
Lord, help me.
. try to remember time is short and that this is a season we’re blessed to walk right now. Love it thank u for this reminder.
I have notice that giving a few minutes goes along way for both my boys…..and me
I love these words. I want to be a yes mum too. It’s wonderful!Smack!
Coming here from Pinewood Castle!
(Tracy linked you)
I am a “no” mom. I admit it. I think it’s a control issue for me…because with kids things can be and are so, ummm, out of control sometimes. Lots of times, I will say no, then think to myself, why did I say no? And if I’m in a really good mood and listening to myself (maybe the Holy Spirit prompting?) I will change that No to a YES! The kids ask “why?” I say because I’m the mom, I can change my mind. (I’m in control that way:)
Great post!
I’m going to try to be a YES mom today right away!
Why is it so hard to just say yes!?! Just yesterday I was saying NO to everything and in the middle of it all I heard myself say (to myself, all mother’s talk to themselves right?!?) “why are you saying no?”
I’m trying to quit being so preoccupied and be with my kids more. Fully present. And saying yes.
Thank you for the gentle reminder. I find I sometimes get busy and need to say yes more often again.